


Shaded Duality

by eccorando



Category: Sonic - Fandom, Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW Comics), Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games), Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: But I’ve Used Canon From Throughout The Whole Media, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Majority of Canon Used is from IDW, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Set on Mobius, Silver is Such a Cinnamon Roll, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 32,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28346235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eccorando/pseuds/eccorando
Summary: Silver was a broken soul. He knew that. Silver wasn’t good enough sometimes. He knew that. It was tough knowing all he did for his seemingly only purpose in life ended up being some phoney pretence of playing the hero. Truth is he never was able to really save those he cared for. Of all his failures he just wanted to keep him safe.Shadow was a broken soul. He knew that. Shadow wasn’t good enough sometimes. He knew that. It was tough being misunderstood everyday; seen as the villain disguised as a hero, never knowing where he really belonged. Truth is he probably knows he’s a villain. He just wanted someone to see it differently.A/N - I do this with all my works: I edit them when I finish them so that I can hopefully make it the best it can be. So this probably will be subject to change. Just putting out the warning.Another A/N - Going on hiatus until towards the end of March. Gavin and the UK still don’t know how exams work and I’m stressin.
Relationships: Shadow the Hedgehog/Silver the Hedgehog
Comments: 10
Kudos: 38





	1. Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After going through a traumatic event only he remembers, Silver is at the mercy of his own mind, struggling to comprehend with having to continue living with these memories and ruining relationships.

There was no way Restoration HQ was meant to be this quiet. Aside from the casual ambience of mechanics at work, resistance (or restoration) fighters exchanging plans or just normal conversations between allies, there was no abnormalities the ivory hedgehog could feel at all. Silver's ears twitched at the mere anticipation that at any second the alarm could go off, blaring into their ears with no remorse. An alarm to tell them that Eggman was back or some other problem had occurred. But for the same time once again that day, he'd let his anxious foreboding lead him nowhere and let the air trapped in his lungs slowly escape along with the unshakeable sense that trouble was just around the corner. 

The white hedgehog approached a large steel door laced with carbon scorches, no doubt from lasers when the badniks attacked. Getting closer to the steel, the dark powdery marks became more profound in Silver's vision. The idle expression on the young hedgehog's face began to fade, being replaced with one of regret and reminiscence. His eyes fell. He wasn't there when all this fighting had happened. Sure, he could always say to himself 'Oh, you were on another mission. There wasn't anything you could do.' but seeing all this clear evidence of carnage and possibly even death ... Ugh. He knows what he demanded from himself was impossible, but he had this nagging feeling that he should've done more. That he can do more! But ultimately, from what he's had to do, he's shown more often that he couldn't. The burned mementos charred into the metal showed how many lives he costed.

It wasn't fair on them. It wasn't justice. It wasn’t right for him to be standing there, left alive to observe the aftermath whilst hundreds lay dead at his feet.

Silver ripped his sight from the marks, shaking his head side to side before bringing his hands to wipe his tired eyes. Taking a deep breath in and releasing it in a sigh, he swiped his hand over the panel. A little cyan energy cloud formed around the red button as the young hedgehog concentrated on what he wanted to do. And just like that, the door lifted open revealing a professional control centre equipped with damaged radars, radios and other various stations Silver didn't fully know the uses for. 

At the middle of all the debris and barely functioning computer displays stood a pink hedgehog observing the fuzzy screens. Hearing the door open she whipped her head round, "Silver!"

The young hedgehog shyly brought his hand up to wave, giving a meek smile as he did, "Hiya Amy." At least she was okay.

Amy diverted her attention back to the screens listening in and barking orders when necessary. Silver travelled further into the room until he stood next to the pink hedgehog patiently waiting for her to finish her duties, "- Yeah ... Yeah, take that shipment all the way to Sunset City. There gonna need it." Amy, politely, ordered as she pushed up the microphone on her headphones before lifting them over her head to remove them and turning over to the ivory hedgehog, "All in a day's work, huh Silver?" 

A button on the panel below her began flashing and beeping. She immediately pressed it sighing as she held the microphone against her mouth, "This is Amy, go for it." Silver lightly chuckled seeing the humour in the situation. He was getting better at understanding rhetorical questions and jokes. Sonic would've told him his sense of humour was improving.

Clicking the button off again, Amy tossed her headphones onto the table, "Speaking of a day's work, where have you been? It's almost twelve!" She let a hand rest on her hip, turning to look Silver directly in the eyes.

Silver blinked blankly. Maybe his ability to understand humour wasn't improving after all. She didn't seem upset; more like that type of situation Sonic explained to him, where the question asked could be interpreted as angry but wasn't and more like disbelief? Oh, he didn't know, there were so many undertones in conversations that simply flew over his head, "Um, twelve? As in twelve in the morning or afternoon? It's hard to tell down here." He gave off a nervous laugh, unsure if he was reading the room correctly.

The pink hedgehog tilted her head down with the smile on her face growing wider, "Afternoon silly. You must've slept late."

The ivory hedgehog reached around the back of his head, scratching his quills "Oh, ha, yeah. I guess I did get to bed pretty late. I don't know what time it was though."

Amy got closer to Silver, moving his head round so she could see his face clearer. As she did concern grew on her face, realising the extent of the effects, "It shows, Silver. Doesn't look like you got anymore than four hours!"

Silver winced at the sudden invasion of hands against his face. He gently pushed Amy's hands away, freeing himself from her care, "I don't think I've been sleeping great for a while. B-But I promise to get some more tonight! I didn't mean to sleep so late." The young hedgehog brought the hand from his quill to grab the elbow of his other arm, looking down sheepishly.

Amy gave a gentle, yet pitiful, smile at how apologetic he was being. This boy was only two years older than herself, yet it was always him who would prove to act as if he was the younger of the two. It only served as a reminder to her how much simple things was missing from his life. Friends, family, a home. These were all those that she and her friends knew the ivory hedgehog lacked. She lightly patted his shoulder, locking it in a symbol of friendship, "Hey, listen Silver, it's okay to lose sleep sometimes. I don't blame you. You have been fighting off Eggman for a long time now; almost a year."

"We all have. It's been tough on everyone." Besides, Silver knew there were people in more need than himself. He could afford to miss a few hours every night if it meant more could be done.

"All the more reason to celebrate our victory!" Amy chirped up, "Oh! That remind's me: Sonic and I had this idea that we should all go up to White Park Zone and take some time off. If you want, you can come with us! I could show you around; teach you how to ski, snowboard, ice skate. Or you could relax and take it easy for a few days."

Silver's eyes grew wide, "Really?" His excited grin shone through his exhausted face as he held his hands in enthused fists, "Yeah, I'd love to come!"

"Great! I'll tell Sonic when he comes back." Amy smile beamed throughout the room.

Yet Silver's happiness was swiftly stripped from him, "W-Wait, what if- What if Eggman returns whilst were away? He'll be expecting something like this right?! Then he'll slip through unnoticed and-"

"-He won't Silver, don't worry. He never comes back quickly." She rolled her eyes thinking of all the times she would finally think it was over and she could go back to simple adventures with Sonic only for that rounded oval asshole to show up at the worst times.

Panic was starting to set in the silver hedgehog as his speech began steadily speeding up, "Everyone said that before and then he returned outta nowhere with a **virus**! What happens if he _decides_ to return quickly like last time? I wouldn't wan't anyone to get hurt because I decided to have some time to myself and-"

"Yeesh, I can see why you're not sleeping well. It's okay Silver. Trust me. It's not like him to just unceremoniously reappear right after getting his butt handed to him." Amy held her hands level with her shrugging shoulders, "He'll take a few months off, tops. It gives us time to prepare. Always does." She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, before letting it peel off.

Silver was bobbing his knees on the spot, keeping his arms tightly tucked by his sides, "Hnnngh, alright. If you say so, Amy."

A buzzing noise emitted from a pocket in Amy's skirt followed by a voice muffled by the miniature mic, "Amy, we've got a stowaway badnik on one of the transports. It’s noncooperative but it’s also unarmed. We're not really sure what to do. It's sorta just hiding in there?"

Amy pulled the comlink out said pocket lifting it to her mouth, "Alright I'll be right over with Sonic. Keep it still until we get there and stay on comlink frequency. We'll see if we can convert it."

Another crackling sound came from the comlink, "Yes, Ma'am." 

Silver gave the pink hedgehog a knowing look, a look she returned with a similar expression, "Well, I'll see ya later. I'll tell Sonic that you'll come to White Park with us, 'kay?."

"Okay! Thank's Amy!" The young hedgehog waved her goodbye, more confidently this time, as the door she exited slammed shut behind her.

Silver sighed a hefty breath once more plonking himself down on the chair in front of the main computer, leaning his back into the chair as he lifted his hand up to his face, rubbing and pulling on his eyelids and quills trying to rip the tiredness out of himself. Only after days and days of keeping himself up all night did he finally realise how difficult it was to keep up with the usual energy output he gave everyday. How does someone like Sonic keep going and going after literal days of not resting? Silver found it incredible how good that blue hedgehog was at being what he is. A hero.

He caught his own reflection off the dark screen of the computer terminal: A raggedy, worn-out flimsy excuse for a hero. Just mentioning the word and associating it with himself felt horrible to do. Unworthy. Insufficient. He couldn't even manage to save Sh-

Silver buried his head in his hands once more, letting his front quills flop over onto the terminal. A flash of that ... nightmare pierced his mind for a moment. He quickly shoved the images aside, allowing his head to rise as he slicked his quills back to their usual form. He figured there was no point moping about what happened. What he’s seen. It would only end up bringing him pain. 

Once again, this time from directly behind him, a third door hissed open as Silver's ears twisted back before his head. He could hear the mixture of robotic metallic joints resulting in a heavy thud and other light taps of boots. And as he expected when his head completed the full pivot, he was welcomed with the sight of Rouge and Omega walking side by side as Team Dark almost usually did.

"Well, hello Silver," The bat made her way closer to the young hedgehog, "Oh, um, hi Rouge." Leaning her head in towards his face, she squinted uneasily, "You've seen better days."

Silver groaned pushing his head into the chair feeling his quills getting compressed, "Do I really look that tired?"

"ANALYSIS OF YOUR FACIAL EXPRESSIONS INDICATE A MAXIMUM OF FOUR HOURS OF SLEEP. OPTIMAL SUGGESTION: SLEEP." Omega blurted out of nowhere. Huh, Amy got it spot on.

"Good advice, Omega." Rouge sarcastically commented on the robot's findings, "Week's been quite the doozy. How you holding up?" The bat stuck a leg out and hooked her foot on a small stool from a station opposite to the main terminal, dragging it over with an elegant swipe of her boot and placing it directly under herself as she set herself down and crossing a thigh over her other knee.

"I'm fine." Silver crossed his arms defensively. The mere acknowledgement of the past week's events sent an uncomfortable shiver through the ivory hedgehog's back. Although, he didn't mean to get all conservative. He hoped he didn't sound too reserved.

A sly grin grew on the bat's face, "Ha. You sound like Shadow."

Silver drew himself back upon hearing _his_ name as if he was stung, mouth slightly hanging open, "..." Rouge kept looking at him, expecting some sort of response. But Silver darted his eyes around frantically hoping that someone would call in from the computer or Amy would walk back in or, hell, maybe even the alarm would go off. Anything to remove himself from whatever this was.

Then he noticed a more than obvious gap missing in between the bat and the robot, "Uuh, where is Shadow?" Without thinking, a protective edge to the young hedgehog's voice flew right into Rouge, eyes perking as she instantly picked up on it.

_Oh crap._

But before Rouge could press, Omega was quick to answer the whereabouts of his 'friend', "SHADOW HAS INITIATED CONSTRUCTION OF A NEW HOLSTER."

Silver raised an eyebrow, "A holster?"

"FOR HIS FIREARM."

The confusion plastered on the hedgehog's face was emphasised, "His fire arm? I didn't know he could shoot fire from his arm. Like Blaze?"

"THAT ... DOES NOT COMPUTE WITH WHAT I SAID."

The bat rolled her eyes, albeit still smiling at the naivety, at the, for a lack of a more polite word, unintelligent exchange of words for a robot and someone from one-hundred years in the future, "No, no Silver. A firearm is a gun and the holster is what you use to store then gun away when it's not in use." Rouged tapped her fingers on her perched up knee, silently applauding Silver for managing to steer her conversation in this direction, even if he meant to or not. Still, it wasn't gonna stop her from digging for a bit more treasure.

"A gun?" The white hedgehog thought of all the possible meanings, "You mean like a laser blaster, right?" Of all the people Shadow could choose, Rouge would be lying if she wasn't perplexed by his unintentional choice. Secrets were so interesting.

Her eyes became larger at the decent comparison, "Yeah! Almost. There's a small difference." She brought a finger and her thumb close together in a pinching gesture, "As Shadow would put it, 'I fire a laser into someone's head, they're not guaranteed to go down. I fire a bullet instead, and they're finished.' Ha. Isn't that just typical of him." She slowly shook her head.

"Ha ha, well, I should get back to this," He gestured his thumb behind his head at the computer, oblivious to how desperate he clearly was to drop the topic of their dark friend. As he tried to spin the chair round, his motion was abruptly stopped by a stuck out leg hitting against the turning chair, "Not so fast, Silver."

Silver scrunched his arms into his chest, all as the bat spun him the other way round back facing her way. She was stood up now, the close proximity on top of towering over him gave her an advantageous dominance over the jittery hedgehog, "U-um, yeah?"

"What do you think of Shadow?" Despite being an innocent question, she delivered it as if she was in an interrogation. Silver was starting to sweat bullets. His fur stood up on end ringing out in anxiety.

The young hedgehog tilted his head down in surprise of the question, "What- What do I thi- Think of him?"

"Mhmm, you heard me, Silver boy." She pointed right in between the middle of his eyes.

Silver let his arms relax as he placed his hand on top of his other, fiddling with the ends of his gloves. As the ivory hedgehog thought about what he wanted to say, he pictured Shadow in his head. First thing that came to his mind were relentless, stubborn and intimidating. He'd seen how he's interacted with others, Sonic in particular. He was a difficult individual. And that was putting it lightly. But that didn't fully line up with his side of the story.

For the past year he'd spent in this timeline, Shadow had been nothing but kind and friendly towards him. He had his own odd way of showing it, sure, but he only seemed to do it for _him_. He was fairly sure he was the only living Mobian to have actually seen him smile. There was a connection between them lingering, Silver just knew it!

The only questioned that hovered over his head was if he was good enough for him. If he would accept someone as inadequate as himself. He couldn't risk what had happened to repeat. He'd never let himself hear the end of it if he did. 

Silver didn't catch himself smiling thinking about him until Rouge yet again caught him leaving his feelings unguarded, "Um..." 

The bat rested her hand under her chin, "Go on."

Silver softly scoffed, "You're probably not gonna believe me-"

"Try me." Rouge challenged him.

"But he doesn't act like his usual self around me. I enjoy spending my time with him. I don't think he's as bad as everyone makes him out to be. He's a really good friend-"

"Friend?" The bat interrupted him again, pouring disbelief all over the word that just shot out her mouth.

"Uh, Yeah. He's my friend." The purity in his statement was undeniably adorable. All Rouge could think was that Shadow sure knew how to pick ‘em (even if this was technically his first ever ‘choice).

With a satisfied nod and fulfilled look, Rouge yielded from her current position, "I've seen the way he talks about you. And now I've seen the way you talk about him." Rouge gestured with single finger for Omega to follow her, "I can tell you right now, Silver boy, you two aren't friends."

A painful jab tore right through the chest of the young hedgehog, hurt swimming in his eyes, "Wha- What do you mean?" There was an uncertain fear in the way Silver moved and talked. Rouge kept forgetting how innocent Silver could be. She felt sorry for pushing him so hard as she produced a repenting sigh, "Listen Silver. You know how challenging it is for Shadow to come round when focusing on his ... feelings."

She sighed again, this time in frustration, "What I'm trying to get at here is that I know what both of you want; it's so damn obvious. It's a wonder you guys aren't the gossip of the town. But you need to nudge him in the right direction, you get me?"

Silver's eyes shifted upwards, processing what Rouge told him, "I-I think so."

The bat clapped her hands together, "Good! As long as were on the same page, I'll be off now." As she stood up and began making her way out the room she turned round again to the still dumbfounded hedgehog, "Nice talk. Remember, you gotta nudge him!"

The repeating noise of gas escaping when the steel doors open or close came right through Silver's ears. As soon as he was positive that he was all alone he was left free to swivel his chair and face the computer. He bent down to reach the drawer closest to the floor simultaneously forming cyan energy clouds over the handle, his identification stick and a black stress ball. As soon as the drawer was open, these two items flew in front of his face, drawer closing in the process. Still using his powers he switched on the terminal and plugged his I.D into the socket, all as he began psychokinetically squeezing the ball and rolling it round in the light blue aura, chipping away at his stress with every compression.

Whilst Silver got up the logs and began typing in statistics and other useful data, he began to ponder on his little talk with Rouge. Surely nobody else knew about him and Shadow, right? A-And it wasn't as if they were actually _more_ than friends, but Shadow would probably end up killing anyone who just knew about their close friendship. We're both of them that prone to exposing themselves that Rouge could suss it out? To be fair, she was skilled in espionage and neither of them really took any measures to keep it under the rug. Wait, does that mean Rouge told Shadow about how Silver felt?

A tiny orb of dread started fizzing in the middle of Silver's stomach. He focussed more intensely on the ball, tightening his psychokinetic grip with every crunch.

So he guessed he ended up being right. Shadow did feel something for him ... Silver didn't fully know how to feel about that. He's received worse news and had gotten elated at it, hysterical sometimes. Considering how strongly he cared for Shadow, he couldn't find it within himself to unearth a single scrap of joy. Instead, all he could feel rummaging throughout his nerves was terror. He thought back to that day. How bleak and draining it was on him. Defeat after defeat, it was a miracle he managed to finally get there in time. 

No. He wasn't happy Shadow felt the same way. If the dark hedgehog every were to fall in love - Hmph, sounds strange: Shadow falling in love - then he'd rather it weren't him. He would only end up weighing the Ultimate Lifeform down. And it's not to say Silver didn't care about him, that couldn't possibly be further from the truth. The young hedgehog could trust himself right now when he promises he would do anything for that hedgehog. He would throw his life away if it meant saving Shadow. In fact, he should've. 

"Does that actually do anything for you?" A deep yet sincere voice boomed behind Silver.

The cyan cloud surrounding the ball dissipated immediately, dropping all undignified towards the ground. Silver's bottom lip began to quiver, hands tensed up and beginning to tremor. 

"Silver?" 

The ivory hedgehog knew he had to respond, but all he could see in front of him were the cursed flickering images of anguish and suffering he was burdened to carry with him. He didn't even hear him come in. His stiff neck berated him not to turn and face him, but on top of that, something was compelling him to look to the origin of the voice, "Huh?"

The young hedgehog saw Shadow calmly walking up to him, hand resting on a sidearm hanging off the side of his hip. He had a stern look but Silver knew better; the dark hedgehog was happy to see him. Shadow squatted down picking up the ball before handing it back to Silver who grabbed it carefully, "Your psychokinesis; do you actually feel the ball?"

"O-Oh. I, uh, um, I mean, yeah. I don't actually sense anything when I grab things- In terms of using my powers I mean. I can feel it more in my head than my hands and yeah..." Silver struggled to get through his long winded explanation without many bumps as he trailed of awkwardly. The white hedgehog did not want to do this right now.

"Mhmm," Shadow nodded his head taking in the information as he stood nonchalantly with his arms crossed, "Any updates I should know?" Shadow tried to make it as inconspicuous as he could but he edged a tad bit closer, enjoying the sole company he had with him.

"Well, I'm just checking up and updating all of our logs so there's nothing of worry. Sonic and Amy are trying to convert a badnik in the hangar right now." Silver typed away at the terminal as well as informing Shadow of what the post-battle situation looked like. 

"Good." Shadow had a guilt-tipped edge when it came to converting machines created by Robotnik. Show people that evil can come round to good. Like himself. Or at least, he liked to think so.

The white hedgehog softly spoke up, "How's your wound?"

Shadow looked down on his abdomen in shame, the only sign of damage came from the slightly shorter hairs strewn across his stomach, "Nothing that won't heal, thanks to you ... I should've been better." He minutely shook his head disgusted at himself for letting the most basic tactic of 'outnumbering' overwhelm him. He reflected on hindsight. He should've retreated; but he was too stubborn to do that.

He sighed, "What about your future? Is it fixed?" 

Silver stopped typing, peering down at the keyboard in thought as he turned to look Shadow in the eyes, "I hope so," His smile reflected his deceptive optimism.

The dark hedgehog tightened the knot his crossed arms made,"I figured you would've checked the future by now."

The faith Silver had on his face fell again. Seemed like he couldn't hold up any sort of facade long enough before he cracked, "So did I..."

Shadow squinted his eyes in suspicion, "And?"

"Oh, It's probably fine." The young hedgehog flicked his hand dismissively much to the shock of Shadow as he began typing again, "What? What do you mean it's probably fine?"

"... I meant what I meant. The future's probably fine." Not even Silver sounded convinced of what he was saying.

"Probably? I know you didn't spend a full year in our timeline just to wrap it all up and decide your future is 'fine' without checking on it." The dark hedgehog squared up to Silver, arms by his side and fists clenched. 

Silver caught a glance at the changes in body language, fear wavering within him, "..."

"Well?" The ultimate life form harshly asked the young hedgehog.

"I-I can just go back another day. I don't need to leave now. Not yet." Silver's first attempt to parry Shadow's strike rendered ineffective as he continued to press, unconvinced by his answer, "Its been a week, Silver. Why wait a week? Why not go back right after we finished with Eggman?"

Silver bit his lip, his brain desperately working to conjure any kind of believable deflection, "C'mon Shadow, it's- it's not important-"

"Not important!?" The red and black hedgehog was getting up in Silver's face, "The future means everything to you! Doesn't it? How come now you don't give a shit!?"

The white hedgehog held up his hand, mouth hanging open as his initial words were halted before he spoke, opting to put more thought in, "T-There are things you don't know-"

"What things?" Shadow cut him off again, an unyielding desire to get to the bottom of this burned in his pupils. Yet instead of another try to deviate from the topic, Silver remained silent, unwilling to go any further.

Unfortunately, the dark hedgehog lacked the mercy to easily give up on the matter, "What do I not know?" Silver wasn't proud that Shadow managed to maintain his menacing stance whilst he reduced himself inwards, like a pathetically dense curled up ball of jitters. His eyes began to glisten, light reflecting off the thin layer of water that had started to form. The ruthless pressure that bore upon him was finally taking it's toll.

Shadow scoffed, "Why all this secrecy all of a sudden!? You've been like this all week! What's changed!? Do you not trust me anymore? Are you scared of me? What is it!?" His shouting rant ended a few inches narrower to the young hedgehog's face compared to when it initiated.

Silver blinked, a lonely tear rolled out and trailed along his cheek.

In an instant the dark hedgehog realised what he'd just done, his face relenting as he was slapped with torrential guilt. Silver slowly unwrapped himself, relaxing at the minimal diffusion of the tension that allowed him to speak, "I've been back to your timeline so many times. You know why that is? Because **_every_ _single_ _time_** , no matter what: Total war, virus pandemic, deadly space station. Whenever I go back it's disaster after disaster. I beat Eggman here, no peace in my world. I beat some other world ending event, my future gets even worse!" The tears were free flowing, contradicted by his bitter face, "Do you know what that's like, Shadow? To endure failure, time and time again?" Unknown to Shadow, Silver was talking about more than one thing he had messed up.

The red and black hedgehog's legs were unsteady, shaking with disgrace as he collapsed on a chair opposite Silver. How'd he lose that much composure of himself? He felt like a monster. He wasn't paying too much attention to what the young hedgehog was saying; he was too distraught to provide his full attention.

Silver coughed through a sob, wiping his eyes as well, "I'm scared of going back ... I fight so hard here, I try my best," The white hedgehog tilted his head up momentarily to look at Shadow, "Some people die for my efforts. And it's all for nothing. People die for nothing and I'm still here. I have to live with that!" Silver's speech-breakdown was reaching the point of no return. His hands came up to cover his eyes; to no use however. Shadow could see how much he hurt him.

"I'm ... sorry, Silver." That was all Shadow could offer, a pitiful apology. It wasn't as if he knew how to do it any better. What he did know was that he should. He got up from the chair and quickly journeyed across the room, power walking to the door, pressing the button and escaping the control room, leaving his damaged friend behind.

His pace began to slow around the comfort of plain steel walls, idly moving through the corridors. Why did he do that? He felt like such a dickhead. How could he ever treat Silver like that? He deserved so much better. Shadow got his trembling fist up in the air before promptly whacking it against the side of his head, pain irradiating from the affected area. How could he be so heartless to him? He wanted to go back in there, give a proper analogy and just ... hold him? Shadow pinched the bridge of his temple; these emotions were all new sensations to him. He hated it. And he was remorseful for that. He just hoped that this wasn't going to be too detrimental for each other. He didn't want to go back to being that lone wolf type and abandon what he'd found with Silver. 

He was too important for Shadow to ever do that.

_************************ _

_**One Week Earlier** _

_Silver slammed a badnik into the ground watching it smash to pieces as he hovered over the battlefield, red light dousing his cyan energy as emergency lights in Eggman's base activated. Silver dropped to the floor, landing with his arms coiled into his stomach, "HYAAH!" He sprung out from his compressed form releasing his power in a robust circle, knocking back his badnik opponents, spilling a few of their metal innards in the process. With his fur on his back suddenly standing up, his reflexes kicked into gear, pivoting swiftly to punch straight through the robotic eye of a badnik, managing to escape his psychokinetic blast. There was a passionate fire flaming in his eyes._

_As he observed the now empty room he anticipated Sonic informing the rest of the team of his successes. The comlink in his ear buzzed to life, "Just broke through Eggman's defences. We'll get this done in no time!" And right on cue, just as he expected. He'd relived this day one too many times now. Silver wasn't sure if he would be able to go back in time again. He'd done this battle one too many times, in such short spaces of each other. This was his last chance. This had to be the one. No more delays. It was now or risk ripping the fragile nature of time._

_Kicking the now destroyed badnik off his hand, he turned around to the main courtyard of the base. If he was keeping track of time, that's where Shadow was right now. He bolted through corridors, doors and vents. He'd mapped out the quickest route by now. Twisting and turning, he shifted past the complicated network that was Dr. Robotnik's most recent of main bases, "C'mon Shadow, hold on. I'm coming ... I'm coming."_

_The young hedgehog's breathing was becoming heavy as he lifted himself up to fly with less strain on his body but more on his mind. He didn't give a damn though. After precisely seven doors, two vents, six separate turns and six distinct corridors, Silver knew exactly what was next. He walked up towards the door to the courtyard. With this much saved time, there was no way it could defeat both him and Shadow. He inputted the correct code into the door and stood ready, stance optimised for him to rush in._

**_-ACCESS DENIED-_ **

_A strong and heavy beep shone more red light the hedgehog's way, "What!?", He inputed it in again only to be met with the exact same result, "No, no, no, no! Crap!" Once again, the same sequence of number put in, the same message appearing on the pannel, "No! NO! What am I doing wrong!?" Silver pulled on his quills, anxiety beating him to a pulp; harder than any badnik right now. "Screw this," Silver outstretched his hands began to glow as he surrounded the door in his cyan cloud, grunting in the effort as the metal door began to creak, "NAAHGH, C'mon!!" Explosions and the unmistakably viscous grunts of Shadow's fighting ringed out from beyond the door, "C'mon, C'mon!!!"_

_A heavy thud was delivered to the side of Silver abdomen met with a single "Oof!" Sending him flying before he caught himself with his powers, momentum still causing him to spin a few times in the air. Regaining a stabilised vision, he spotted three larger badniks, which were supposedly designed to specifically counteract it's enemies (according to Tails, he was an exception; not being around long enough for Eggman to become familiar to his fighting style.)_

_"Is that really all you got!?" The white hedgehog had never felt such scorching anger before. In a split second charge, he caught his first badnik off guard, powering an extended leg through right across the spine of the badnik, tearing it in half._

_The remaining two synchronised their attacks, launching themselves at the smaller hedgehog. He prepared himself, stance-ready and sharpened his concentration. His powers sizzled around his hands, "Umph!" A fleshy thud erupted from the locked door, yanking Silver right out of his current situation, helpless but to divert his head towards the grunt, "Shadow!"_

_As he swiped his hands he realised all too late that he only managed to grab one of them, flinging it aside as the other completed it's strike, swinging it's arm from under Silver, hammering him right in the chest sending him soaring into the air. He landed right on his back, the hit still causing him to slide. He shook his head, groaning at the sudden onset of body-wide aches. It didn't take long for him to recover, determination still coursing through his veins. He quickly targeted the robot wanting to finish what he started, "Hmph!" hurling his arms across his body, sending out a lone ball of pure energy right into the centre of the robot as the red illuminated circle of it's eye shrink into nothingness._

_His ear twitched. Instinctively he dodged a blind attack from behind himself, rolling out the way and turning at the same time. Silver had never fought this arduously in his life. He wished he was capable of doing this the first time round. Anger fleshed across his face catching the badnik in his energetic grasp. Intensifying his mental sharpness, he clenched his fist in fury as he saw the badnik implode on itself, sparks flying, gears toppling to the floor and mechanical cries wailing out from its voice-box._

_Breathing laboured, he admired his work on tough opponents as he let the now crushed badnik loose from his grip watching it fall to the ground. Wiping his brow, a clean smear of blood was drawn across his white arm. The sounds of struggle continued to resonate from the door, "Shit..."_

_He raced to the steel frame, wasting no time, he encased the door in his powers. Sweat was beading on his face, "Agh!" Eyes squeezed shut and mouth holding in air, he gave it one more push, "Please! Not again, not again!" He wanted to say it was no use, but that was before the door suddenly propelled open as he stumbled backwards at the impromptu release. Falling onto his backside, he saw Shadow defeated and desperately crawling on the floor reaching out for a chaos emerald. He was leaving a thick red trail behind him, no doubt his blood._

_"Shadow!"_

_The dark hedgehog weakly responded to his name, meekly rotating his head, "Silver?"_

_The young hedgehog's attention swerved to the raised robot fist, then back to Shadow, "NO!"_

_Heaving himself off the floor he rushed in, "Silver, DON'T!" Shadow extended his hand out, a young girl flashing in place of Silver momentarily in his mind._

_Silver leaped off the ground, diving closer towards the injured hedgehog. His vision became clouded with smoke and just emerging from the black snow was a metal fist engulfed in flames. Time dilated in a smooth syrup; slowing down. A cyan aura began forming a_ _shield around the both of them just as it started to pulverise them. The impact was sudden. The sound of concrete smashing and grunts turning to shouts was all he heard before a world of **black** encased him._

_************************ _

**PRESENT**

Silver reeled out the reality he delved and lost himself in, prying his eyes from the blackness of the screen that reminded him of those last moments. But he could not rid himself of the stigma left behind. Lifting his hands up he saw they were trembling, his chest was heaving and eyes beginning to turn a shade of bloodshot. His mind was ravaged by his failures. Countless attempts at saving Shadow did not end in the blissful black unconscious world. 

Instead what flickered in front of him when he was sleeping at night was his blood drenched corpse rotting away in the middle of that courtyard. He had arrived too late. He felt his knees buckle, like he did when he first got him killed. He saw Shadow's pleading eyes as Silver cowered behind cover, unable to do anything. He saw the same crawling body reaching for the emerald only to have his life cut short.

And even though they didn't know each other that well all those years ago, the thought of a 'metal zombified' Shadow sent shudders down his back. He'd think: 'What if there wasn't anything he could've done to save Shadow then? If the only way was to destroy him?'

Then he would never have gotten the chance to get to know him.

If Shadow had known just how many times Silver had forsaken him, there was no way Rouge would've walked in today and revealed what she did.

He didn't deserve Shadow.

He would only end up getting him killed. He won't even make him happy. That was the aim of these 'relationships' right? Happiness and companionship? Silver had no doubt he'd be absolutely horrible at both of those. Besides, what did he know about relationships? What did he know about anything?

And no matter how much Silver wanted to return his feelings, all he could see when he looked at him was those tormented images. They tortured him. Gah! He was confused. How did he even find himself in that situation? How did either of them allow that to happen? How could Shadow have been so easily defea- No! This wasn't his fault! Silver would not dare place blame on him.

He slid his arm across his eyes once more. His tears have long since dried out but, boy, did he look like shit. Silver dragged himself off the sunken chair, using his powers he removed his I.D dongle and placed it back in the drawer along side the stress ball.

His heavy boots caused him to trudge at the door, seemingly emotionless on the outside, but mind swirling on the inside. With the door lifting, a sudden gust of wind and a blur of blue whizzed past him, bringing up dust as the young hedgehog began coughing, "Whoah!? Sorry 'bout that bud. You okay?" Sonic asked.

Silver was fanning the dust with his hand, "Yeah-urgh-I'm fine. Totally fine." He lied, in between coughs.

"Y'know, I've never made anyone actually 'eat my dust' so I guess your a first Silver!" Sonic came waltzing over, patting the young time traveler on the back. As Silver finished his series of coughs he lifted his eyelids, revealing what laid behind them to the blue blur, "Yeesh, did I hit you that hard, there?"

"What were you running so fast for?"

Sonic stretched his back and arms before reeling them in and crossing them, hands still grabbing on the opposite arm, "Needed to have a spin at running; all this walking, cramped up in this little base, it's killing me. Think I reminded myself of what I can do." A smug look appeared on his face as he tapped his foot impatiently.

Silver could tell he was dying to run, "Did you convert that badnik?"

"I didn't. But Tails is working his magic but we don't think he's gonna cut it by himself. Have you seen Shadow? He has a knack for this kinda thing; even if he can be a bit of a jerk sometimes."

"..." The ivory hedgehog used all his strength and will to resist the urge to cry, discretely pinching his arm behind his back to ensure he didn't, "No. I haven't seen him." Another lie.

"Oh, great. Typical Shads, only ever interested in the climax. Never could stay in one spot." Sonic tapping foot increased in speed rapidly, face squinting harder in thought, "Actually, y'know, now that I think about it, Shadow holed up with us the entire time!" He thought more on the past year, "And so have you!" Sonic lightly laughed and shook his head and spoke to himself, "Maybe there is some truth to what Rouge said-"

"-What?"

Sonic instantly held his hands up, "Nothing! It's just ... both of you don't tend to stick around long; he goes off fighting something else and you usually go back to your timeline." The blue hedgehog explained, promptly leaving the subject behind, "Any who, Amy told me you wanted to come up to WPZ."

"WPZ?"

"White Park Zone." Sonic elaborated.

"Oh. Sure thing, I'll be there." The blue hedgehog was expecting more ... enthusiasm. The way Amy talked about it, he sounded like he was excited.

" 'Kay, awesome. I'll, uh, see you around, Silver." Not a second after he burst away, he was speeding right back to where he just stood, same exact stance and whatnot, "Before I go, are you okay?"

Silver was still recovering from the sudden return, "Huh? I mean, um, yeah," He gave a nervous and a unconvincing chuckle, "Why wouldn't I be?" Silver’s defences were further dismantled by the change in Sonic’s approach, who shrugged his shoulders, "I dunno, you haven't really been upbeat lately. And now Amy's telling me you don't sleep. You got trouble written all over you, buddy." Sonic paused to gauge how the young hedgehog would react, but he got so such thing, "So what's up?"

Gah! What was he thinking, telling Amy that! Of course that was gonna come back to bite him! Idiot! "I'm ... I guess I'm just burnt out from the fighting," He took a less than subtly stumble away from the blue hedgehog.

Sonic wasn't that dumb to not take the hint. All Sonic could give was a silent but compassionate look as he clasped his hands together, "Well, I best get running. I can see you want some space." His legs began spinning on the spot, so fast that it looked like a single circle, "Laters, Silver." He zoomed away, simply gone. The ivory hedgehog sighed, the only thing left for him to do was continue walking.

Silver appeared normal to the various fighters he casually passed, but the swirling storm in his aching head proved otherwise. He couldn't pry his mind off what took place. Silver already knew what it was like living with no hope; the future was an unforgiving place. But if he's learnt anything throughout his time here, it was that everywhere, regardless of how peaceful, was unfair. Time didn't care if Silver fixed it. It was unfair to the people living in it, unfair in who get's to live and die and unfair that time first chose to kill Shadow and not him. And himself, the supposed traveler of time, was helpless but to endure the merciless nature of time; suffering through what it did to Shadow over and over and over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello New Fandom!
> 
> This is my first go at a Sonic fanfic. Being recently new to all types of the canon, I hope I've gotten characterisation right. I'm open to criticism and thank's for reading :)
> 
> -EcR-


	2. Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadow reflects on his life, struggling to distinguish wether or not there's good in him. With Silver battling his own soul, Shadow quickly finds blame in himself for letting Silver fall so far down.

A streamline wind howled past the cliff edge gently, softly swaying Shadows quills side to side as he stood brooding, arms tensely crossed around his chest and staring out into the distance. He was frowning, watching the sun sluggishly slide it's way underneath the horizon. His lungs slowly filled with air, letting it all flow out in a deep sigh. His head was occupied with the only thing that's been on his mind for days now. Silver. For the life of him, he could not put his finger on the reason to Silver's sudden personality shift. He acted as if he didn't want anything to do with him. As if nothing they did together mattered or counted for anything; all that time spent trying to show Silver he wasn't a bad guy seemed wasted.

His expression morphed into that of anger as his grip on his crossed arms intensified, inflicting some amount of pain on himself.

But he could think of one thing.

How he treated Silver this afternoon was inexcusable. It was disgusting. He hated himself when he got like that. Shadow didn't enjoy being angry, not at all. He never truly believed someone could actually enjoy being angry. But he was just a naturally fiery soul. He couldn't blame Silver for keeping his distance. Maybe he finally realised what a horrible hedgehog he truly was. Silver didn't deserve that from him.

But he’d been acting strange much before that. Silver would act uncomfortable around him, purposely avoid him at times ... Had he done something wrong? What did he do? Shadow, thought back through the year. He'd lost his temper in some battles and showed himself unleashed, to put it lightly. But Silver never seemed too bothered by that. Was it something obvious he was missing? Something someone like him wouldn't notice straight away?

Shadow sighed as he continued to reflect. To think both of them were happy not too long ago, the dark hedgehog thought this kind of warmth was something he would never find again. Not since his time on the ARK. 

...

He didn't know what to make of this. Rouge kept telling him that it wasn't true whenever Shadow said he didn't know what love was. That the case was that he merely hadn't felt it for a long time. A really, really long time. But Shadow wasn't convinced of Rouge's argument. Despite being able to remember when he first experienced that flush of heat rush through his body with Silver in the forest by his garden. The moment he realised he saw visions of the only person he’d truly cared for in the white hedgehog. Despite that, the dark hedgehog refused to call it affection anymore.

He didn't think he had any left.

He remembered in broken fragments what Maria last told him. It was the only promise he'd ever made. He couldn't exactly recall what she said but he was vaguely certain it was somewhere along the lines of being good, protect Mobius and those he cared for. He promised that would be his purpose after she was gone.

...

Words could not bring justice to the magnitude of how much he'd let Maria down. He didn't feel fully aligned with 'good', he had been a world-ending threat to Mobius and how can he protect those who's love he doesn't deserve in the first place? Could he even call it love? The way people fear him, and for good reason, there probably isn't anyone, besides Silver and Rouge, who would show an ounce of care towards him. What was that worth in a world that loathes him?

And now he was letting Silver down. 

He could feel the nerves in his head firing away; he resisted every urge for his face to scrunch up, tears knocking on the door. If she could see what he had become; the sheer disappointment he could imagine on her face was enough to break his resilience and force a teardrop to emerge from his eye. Although his face still radiated an undying rage, he rubbed his eyes in the bend of his elbow.

Some days, it seemed like all he was ever created for was to suffer.

He heard a high pitched whirring noise cease behind him. He kept his eyes fixated on the horizon, paying no attention to the blue idiot no doubt behind him, "Shads! Just the hedgehog I wanted to see!"

He walked up next to the dark hedgehog, standing beside him and mirroring his stance, "Don't call me that. I have no need for your petty nicknames."

Sonic scoffed sarcastically, "Okay, lemme rewind." He cleared his throat, " **Shadow**! Just the hedgehog I wanted to see!" He mocked the use of his actual name, altering his voice to make it sound dumber than it already was.

Shadow let his head fall into his hand, a wave of tired disappointment radiating from his exhausted sigh, "What do you want, Sonic?"

The blue hedgehog placed a hand on his hip, "What? No banter? No remark? Just straight into it? C'mon Shads, humour me."

Shadow flashed a dirty look at Sonic, "Let me make myself perfectly clear: Don't call me that. Now, what do you want?"

Sonic reeled back awkwardly, eyes wide and covering a cough with his fist, "Oookay ... Um, we gotta badnik in need of converting. Though it be right up your ally."

Shadow went back to observing off the cliffside, "I'll be there."

Sonic swung his arms comprehensively, cautious of the ticking-time-bomb mood the dark hedgehog was in. He leaned forward just a bit, discreet in his actions, inspecting the damages done on Shadow's abdomen. To an experienced eye, underneath all the fur, Sonic could see how deep the scar was. It hadn't been fully hidden away yet. Shadow briefly took notice of the blue hedgehogs advancements before deciding to ignore him, shifting himself to the side, further away from him.

"Still can't believe you almost bit the dust." He delivered his disbelief half genuine and half teasing. Rivalry was rivalry after all, "You're building up a record, Shadow. Virus and now this? One too many times for someone like you." His energetic smile portrayed a friendly competitiveness, despite it's fairly morbid nature, "Lucky Silver was there, huh?"

The red and black hedgehog drowned out most of what that blue idiot was saying, but one word managed to get through his skull. Hearing his name produced a small smile. As soon as he felt the muscles surrounding his mouth contract, he quickly realised, morphing it back to his usual grumpy facade.

Although quick to suppress his emotions, it failed to go unnoticed. Sonic, more adept at mastering his own tells, gave no signs that he caught onto anything. It wasn't news to him, or anyone else for that matter, that Shadow and Silver had gotten oddly close. They act aloof and oblivious but Sonic saw the way Shadow follows behind Silver during Resistance meetings or seeing Silver follow Team Dark occasionally or just them opting to operate missions together. 

It was a weird dynamic and of course, Sonic would like to know more.

Shadow continued to brood, "I should've been more efficient and measured."

There wasn't any harm in Sonic drilling for the truth, right? Just a little push, nothing too obvious. Ultimately he was helping the dark hedgehog. Sonic lightly tapped the dark hedgehog's shoulder with the back of his hand, much to Shadow's displeasured warning glance, "Yeah, but you shoulda seen how he dragged you outta there! I don't think I've ever seen Silver so ... scared or determined."

Shadow's stomach stung with a punch to the gut, "I shouldn't have put him in that position ... He can be foolhardy at times." The dark hedgehog could tell what Sonic was getting at. He didn't like it one bit.

Nevertheless, he continued absentmindedly abandoning his plan to conceal his feelings, he let off a sad expression as his head dropped. He completely switched off, forgetting he was even in the company of another as Sonic empathised and mirrored the newly discovered crestfallen look on Shadow. 

The blue blur tried to lighten the mood, "Ha, yeah, I get what you mean. He really likes cutting it close with that shield of his. Saved me a bunch of times too."

Shadow unfolded his arms, letting them rest by his side, "He does that a lot. Putting himself in harms way to save others."

Sonic pursed his lips, "I mean, don't we all?"

The wind picked up, carrying Sonic's quills more than Shadow's, "No ... No, he does it as if he doesn't care if it cost's his own life."

The blue hedgehog began tapping his foot, sending a few rocks tumbling down the cliffside. He guessed he never really noticed it in Silver.

Shadow turned to face Sonic, "It's like he doesn't realise how much I-" He cut himself off, instantly regretting making eye contact, "How much _we_ value him sometimes ... I'm really worried about him." The red and black hedgehog couldn't help but think he was to blame for this. As if it was his fault that he didn't show Silver enough of what he meant to him. Pondering on how degrading he was to the ivory hedgehog just hours ago only supported his theory.

Shadow turned away to give Sonic a cold shoulder with an embarrassed sigh at what he did as he closed his eyes; his eyelids acting as a mask as it blended with his black fur. 

The blue blur was only starting to witness the extent of Rouge's revelation of the two. He thought it would've been a challenge to unravel Shadow, yet he only seemed to validate the truth. The worry and hurt he glimpsed in Shadow's anxious pupils was something he never imagined to see. He really did care for Silver. Sonic didn't want to act as if Shadow was incapable of it but he never really expected him to be so fond of a single hedgehog.

Sonic hesitated coming closer, reaching out with an arm before reeling it back, deciding he was at a good distance from the ultimate lifeform, "Hey, Shadow. I'm sure Silver would never let it come to that." He was sincere, heartfelt in trying to comfort Shadow.

"..." Shadow remained quiet, eyes still closed. Sonic got the feeling Shadow didn't believe him. A stream of wind flew by them as the sky began shifting colour from blue to orange. A thin sliver of purple was also strewn across the air upon twilight. Cold began to set in as the towns and villages dotted throughout the valley began illuminating one by one.

Sonic remembered how he left Silver not too long ago. There was no doubt in Sonic that the white hedgehog's sullen mood was linked to Shadow, and vice versa, "What was it like? When Silver got you out Eggman's base?"

The red and black hedgehog slowly lifted the dark screen over his eyes, his bottom lip trembling, "I don't remember much. I was in and out consciousness. The times I did come to, I wish I was able to guide him." Shadow's voice was shaky, wavering at how wretched and mixed he felt. He wanted to punch Sonic for getting him like this; all sappy and uncomfortable. But another piece of him actually wanted to get this out his system.

"He would try to talk to me; tell me it was okay, but I could tell he was afraid. I didn't understand it at first but the whole thing just felt familiar to me. Like I was back on the ARK. Trying to escape death." The mere mention of the ARK was enough to cause the blue hedgehog feel some shame in asking what happened, "He reminded me of Maria."

The dark hedgehog squinted his eyes shut, stopping the all too familiar feeling of the relentless tide of his experienced tears he knew would destroy his aching eyes like they were nothing. Chaos, it hurt. Every time, it hurt so fucking much. He was fucking sick of this stupid feeling. Sick! He just wanted it to stop.

Shadow didn't want to feel like this anymore. Having the capability to feel was a burden he wished he wasn't created with. He hated all this negative filth infecting his head. All it did was wretch and twist his tired heart, wringing the last few drops of his desire to just simply live. For fifty years he's had to endure this pain again and again and again. Every drop sizzled and burned his soul every time it landed. All it ever was is suffering ... When will it stop!? 

He clenched his fists, the wrinkles in his gloves gave off an audible crunch as the part of him that wanted to close himself off took over, rage quickly building up in him, "You know, don't you?" It was painfully obvious how much he was teetering on the edge of breaking down. Just moving his neck, he threw an infuriated look at Sonic, "Rouge?"

Sonic shrugged his shoulders, "Yup." He finally mustered the courage to stand right next to Shadow trying to place a hand on his shoulder, "You really care about him, huh?" All Sonic got as an answer was a sudden shove as the red and black hedgehog thrusted Sonic's hand off, "Get off me."

The dark hedgehog could feel himself crumbling away as he kept repeatedly tensing and relaxing his fists. He despised the feeling of tears pressuring behind his eyes. How could anyone live like this?

There was no way he was gonna crack in front of this blue idiot.

"Hey, Shads. You don't need to be embarrassed about it." Sonic tried to stay calm.

Shadow spun on the spot and charged at the hedgehog with an impulsive ferocity, pointing a finger right into Sonic's jugular, "Sonic, I swear, I **fucking** swear if you call me that one more fucking time, I will end you myself!"

"Okay! Okay! Geez!" Shadow disengaged, hastily moving back to oversee the mosaic of lights on the horizon, arms crossed and grunting as he did, "Yeesh and here I was about to ask you if you wanna come to WPZ." Sonic rubbed his neck, feeling out where the dark hedgehog had jabbed him.

"I'll pass." He spat the words out, lightly moving his head side to side, feeling the paralysing amount of emotions attack his brain, "Ugh, I'm sorry ... I didn't mean to..." Shadow let out a frustrated groan as he exceeded his extremely low emotional limit. He felt like such a prick, Sonic just wanted to talk. How could Silver put up with this bullshit?

Sonic breathed a sigh of relief and wiped his brow and approached Shadow once more, careless to if he would offend the unstable hedgehog, "The offer still stands, bud. Wouldn't it be nice to take a load off once a while?"

Shadow couldn't deny he was probably due for a break. His first since his creation. Considering his inexperience in this department he scoffed disheartened, "What would I even do? Is there even anything for something like me?"

Sonic leaned back in confusion, "Of course there is Shadow!" Sonic began listing things to do on his fingers, "There's the slopes, skiing, snowboarding, sledding, walking through town at night theres a bunch of-" Sonic interrupted his own train of though, rewinding his mind back to what Shadow had just said, "Wait, 'something'? Not 'someone'?"

The red and black hedgehog didn't notice his tongue slip as he gave an apprehensive glance at the blue blur, "Um..." It had been a while since Shadow called himself 'someone' or anything remotely humanising. How could he? Nobody else would. And if they did, it felt fake and untrue. He knew what he was: A miserable creation.

Sonic grew a sombre expression on his face, eyes full of pity and tenderness, "Shadow, you're ... You're not a 'thing', you're a living being. You know that?" Sonic gingerly placed a hand on his back in a feeble attempt to comfort him.

Shadow simply shrugged him off, exhausted and drained from all he was feeling, "Just shut up, you blue asshole." He was despondent and dejected, lacking any energy to put any real spite in his words. The dark hedgehog eyed the door embedded into the cliff face behind him. Without any kind of warning he began trudging off lethargically.

"Hey, hey, hey, Wait!" Sonic skid around the red and black hedgehog, blocking his path, "C'mon Shadow! Everyone would be glad if you came. Just give us a chance. Give yourself a chance."

Shadow meekly pushed him aside, "Does anyone really care that much?" What reason did he have to stay now? Silver practically shunned him for days, there's genuinely nothing here for him now, "I'm leaving tomorrow." And just as he was about to step back into their base,

"Silver's coming."

Shadow stopped dead in his track, eyes darting around from panic. Panicking that he was so defenceless to that name, panicking that he just realised the chance given to him and panicking at how close he was to throwing this all away, "... Fine." He turned his head back to face the blue hedgehog who's smug face shinned out in the night, "I really hate you." He told Sonic without any actual menace and more out of just having enough of his antics.

"I know. But I look out for you, don't I." The dark hedgehog took in Sonic's words, turned around and began walking back inside leaving the blue blur with a disappointed look. 

Hearing the door close behind him he paused to take some time to admire how far Restoration HQ had come. He desperately needed to occupy his mind with something else. From make-shift to sophisticated he was proud to see all the work being put in pay off. Moving his way through corridors and looking off the railing into various hangars and other large spaces, even the night shift guards and skeleton crews he saw down there were organised. Trained these units himself. 

And yet all he got out of them was respect, but respect controlled and nurtured by fear. Respect at the cost of fear was no longer respect, but tyranny. 

Shadow pinched the bridge of his nose. Even when he tried to distract himself, everything just reminds him of how much of a demonic freak he was at times. Can't even treat his own men right. How could Sonic and Rouge be so willing to push him into something with Silver? Both of them know first hand how evil he could be. 

The red and black hedgehog brought his hands up, summoning the power of chaos as a green mist began surrounding his fist. Letting the queasy feeling, he'd gotten used to, build up inside him, he released in in a quick flash of green watching his surroundings change from the bland steel corridor overseeing the hangar bay to being teleported to a quaint room furnished with nothing more than a simple bed and a standard full size mirror all accommodation shared.

As he dusted himself off he heard water running in his en suite. In an instant his ears perked and his hand was quick to unclip the leather strap holding his handgun, letting his hand hover over the grip. His eyes focussed on the door, methodically moving step by step closer to the door. He outstretched his other hand reaching for the knob, twisting it carefully and silently. Feeling the knob no longer turning, he swiped the door open, drawing his weapon with lighting speed and presented it at his target.

"Rouge?"

With a toothbrush still hanging from her mouth she turned to Shadow, unfazed with the gun pointed right between her eyes. She grabbed the toothbrush and held it out aside her head, "Mind giving a girl some space?" She sarcastically gestures the brush at him before going back to what she was doing, unworried by the puzzled glare Shadow had.

The dark hedgehog lowered his gun, mouthing the words of his confusion before sheathing it, "What the hell are you doing here?"

She unceremoniously spat the frothy gunk into the sink using her hand to guide the water to carry it away. Finishing up, she grabbed a towel, careful in the way she dabbed the fabric around her lips, drying herself, "You see, I wanted to talk with you. Guess you were brooding for a little longer tonight, so I made myself comfortable."

Shadow scorned at her reason, deeming it not good enough, "Pfft. Talk. You’ve been doing a lot of that, haven’t you?"

She smirked and shrugged as if to say ‘what could she do?’ Much to Shadow’s dismay, "How many have you told!?" He was frantic, a strange sense of real fear came from his voice.

Rouge scoffed at the hedgehog’s uncharacteristic lack of composure. When it came to Silver she guessed, "Relax. Only Sonic knows. Everyone else is either stupid or need their suspicions confirmed. You’re still in the clear."

Shadow clipped the leather strap across the handgun once more, pivoting in his heels as he travelled to his plain bed, anger palpable in every step, "I can’t believe you would ever tell that stupid blue imbecile."

Rouge tossed the towel into a basin and slipped her lengthy gloves back on, tugging on them to make sure they were as tight and fitting as she was used to. Exiting the room she closed the door behind her, "What? Would you rather I have told someone like Amy or Tails? Their mouths would be running off all over the place. You should be glad I told Sonic."

The red and black hedgehog whacked the underside of the bed with a viscous kick and grunt before setting himself down on the soft mattress, "Glad!? I would’ve rather you told nobody!" 

"Hmm, yeah that was never happening." She remarked haphazardly. But all Shadow would do was merely stare dagger right into here pupils, a visceral agony in his scowl.

She crossed her arms defensively, "Listen Shadow, Sonic was your best bet. He actually worries about you and listens to you. You might not think it, but he does. He’s your friend wether you like it or not, and he’s gonna help you."

Shadow smeared his own hand over his face dragging it down from his forehead, dragging his eyelids down as he completed his overdramatised facepalm, "I. Don’t. Care. If he think he’s my _friend._ What I want to know is why the **fuck** would you tell him about Silver!"

Rouge sighed impatiently, looking at the hedgehog disapprovingly who’s rage was only ticked off more, "What are you trying to do? What do you want from me?" 

"Oh Shadow- I know what you want. Look at you! You’re this sad, grumpy, lonely thing moping around day after day, yet when you’re with him you become this friggin’ beam of happiness, the happiest I’ve ever seen you!" Rouge sat herself down next to him, who’s irritation had subsided at the truth from Rouge, replaced with heartbreak as he dropped his head, looking down at his hands clasped together, "And you know it," Rouge pressured him further.

"So why? Why don’t you try with him and see where it goes?" Shadow closed his eyes again and turned his head slightly to the side; putting on a veil to conceal whatever ailment Rouge could so easily see. "You don't understand."

"You're right! I don't understand. One minute you act as if you want to spend the rest of your days with Silver, then the other it's like you're trying to stop yourself from doing so. Do you want to stay miserable forever? Is that it?" The bat jeered her accusations at him, dumbfounded at how willing and complacent he was to give up his chance with Silver.

Shadow continued to look down, "Rouge ... I’m an ageless creation programmed to kill. I’m only ever going to be miserable forever." He took in a shaky breath, lungs shivering, "It's why I got Maria and the professor killed, it'll be why it won't work out with Silver." He explained heavy-heartedly and hopeless. Why he ever thought it could work out was beyond him.

The bat just shook her head, pitiful but earnest, "You know that's not true. You know that's not who you are. You've seen your own file, I showed it to you. You were created to help cure Maria, not kill."

Shadow tensed his fists again in an outburst of bitterness, "Sure as hell doesn't feel like it!"

Rouge leaned back quickly, anticipating a wild punch being thrown, yet Shadow kept his composure, however poor it may be, "That's cause you were never given the chance to fulfil your purpose! And the quicker you realise you're more than just your purpose, the better."

"If that was true, then why was I made to be a threat? If I just needed to cure Maria, then why make me violent? Why make me aggressive? Where's the advantage in that?" The dark hedgehog faced the bat once again.

Rouge held her hands up to try and calm him down, "Shadow, listen to me. Your file said you were made with Maria's personality. But you've lived fifty messed up years, your bound to develop some messed up characteristics of your own. It's just how it wor-"

Shadow whacked her hand aside with a fierce force, " **Fuck my file!** If your right I shouldn't be susceptible to even develop these things! But here I fucking am!"

Rouge held her throbbing hand as Shadow saw the pain on her face. All his anger melted away, "No..." The red and black hedgehog fell onto the bed, legs still hanging off and covering his eyes as he felt the dam beginning to overflow. He couldn’t believe he’s hurt another ‘friend’

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Surprised at the reaction, Rouge quickly figured out the source of his agony, "Oh, wait, Shadow, I'm-I'm fine, really. It's nothing."

His chest was convulsing desperately trying to stop himself from tipping over the edge but to no avail. The large lump building in his throat finally gave way as his sobs burst from him, pulling on his ears to try and make himself stop, "I really am no good..." Yet nothing he did couldn't stop the guilt pillaging his body, "J-Just face it Rouge. I'm a mistake who's lived too long."

The bat had been in this situation maybe once or twice before. It was rare for Shadow to completely fall apart like this. First time was when he actually first vented about the ARK and what happened. Second time was when he told her he regretted his existence. It's why she went scrounging for his file and for a while it seemed to work; showing him what he was really made for.

And now the third ... The reason being a seeming combination of the first two times. She's figured by now she's probably done all she can for him. She just hoped Silver could be the one to make him happy.

After giving a consoling look to the sobbing hedgehog still lying on the bed destroyed, she stood up and went to his bedside and swiped up the photo she'd stolen and left on the table. Coming back onto the mattress she lifted him up and held the photo underneath him, "Here. I broke into Silver's room and stole this. It's a little beat up but ... just look at it." 

Shadow grabbed onto it, smoothing out the creases before observing the photo, tears still streaming down. The photo was him and Silver in his garden. He had his arm around his head and although Shadow looked uncomfortable both of them were still smiling. Through pathetic snivels and shed tears he coughed out in a weird mixture of melancholy and exasperation, "Why do I let you do this to me?"

Rouge was halfway turning the knob to his door, "Cause nobody else can and you need it."

The door creaked shut leaving Shadow hanging off his bed with a piece of laminated paper in his grasp. He stood up and lazily went to the mirror. Standing in front of it he looked from top to bottom, then from bottom to top. He was disgusted. His hurting eyes met his reflection's. Shadow's head was spinning around like a whirlpool, everything funnelling into this one messy spot in his brain. His face scrunched up in rage, thrusting a fist straight into where the mirror reflected his face. Glass shattered everywhere, some remained stuck in his gloves as he dropped to the ground, still clutching onto the photo, silently wishing Silver didn't see the hateful thing Shadow saw in the mirror.

_ ************************ _

_**2 MONTHS EARLIER** _

_The bright flash stung his eyes momentarily as Silver unwrapped his arm and walked in front of Shadow, operating his camera and checking if the photo was good or not, "Awesome!" The dark hedgehog came up from behind him. Silver clocked his presence behind him and stood aside to show him the camera, "Now I have this moment forever! Isn't that cool?!" The ivory hedgehog latched onto Shadow, encasing him within his embrace as he rested his head comfortably on his chest._

_Shadow chuckled at the easily excited hedgehog, "Yes. Yes it is." The red and black hedgehog patted his back, deciding to look around the garden one more time. To his expectations, it was immaculately kept. Every plant, fruit, vegetable was in perfect condition. The pallet of colour Silver created in his garden was truly a marvel. The little hut in the centre of it all was the only remnant of the war left. Dull and grey, it really took away some of the beauty, "Hey Silvy, do you want me to paint your shed? It's kind of an eyesore."_

_The white hedgehog released him and placed the camera on the branches of one of the sturdier trees as he came up beside the darker hedgehog again, "Oh I don't think so. My eyes don't sore when I look at it. It's like a sort of reminder to why I'm here. Why I fight. If I can transform this place from a battlefield wasteland to this garden, then I can do the same for my future." He spoke with a brash confidence and hopefulness Shadow could never hope to have. He admired it so much in Silver._

_"I wish I had your optimism." As Shadow went to find Silver he was fairly displeased not to see him beside him. Instead he was using his powers to maintain his plants, watering cans, fertilisers and composts were flying everywhere and not a single bead of sweat appeared on Silver's face._

_"I mean, it's not too difficult. You just gotta believe you can make things better." The white hedgehog slowly placed everything in his cyan energy back neatly and orderly back into their respective racks hanging on the walls of the shed, smiling innocently as he passed Shadow, "It's how I've always lived my life."_

_It was a naive perspective. The dark hedgehog begged it were that easy. But he wasn't about to burst Silver's bubble, "Oh!" Silver sparked up starting to run off out of the circular ditch his garden stayed in. Catching him off guard, the ultimate lifeform whipped his head round seeing Silver lifting himself out in a blue bubble, "Just stay right there Shads! I wanna show you this flower I found!" He whizzed off leaving Shadow standing where he was._

_He was so cute. He wasn't afraid to admit it, to himself at least, anymore. He felt a grin forming on his face. He was so much like Maria. Bubbly, pure, kind. No ego to butt heads with (cough cough Sonic), just genuine enjoyment. He was grateful to have him here, however long he would stay ... It would occasionally dawn on him that Silver's time here wasn't forever, or even a lifetime for that matter. Maybe he could ask to live in the future with him? That isn't too weird of a thing to ask? If anything happened to the future, both of them could travel back and help out._

_The more Shadow thought about it the more hesitation and blocks he encountered. What if it's too soon to ask something like that? Would it be too forward? What if he says no and he won't see Silver for months, who knows? Maybe years._

_The dark hedgehog scuffed the dirt with a soft kick as he sighed. Maybe he should just let go. Accept that nothing will replace the hole Maria and the ARK left in him. Make the most of his time with him now and respect his decision to leave after everything._

_"Shads! Shadow!" His raspy voice descended on him as he hovered back into the ditch, holding something in his hand. He landed with a grunt a little distance away as he came jogging up to and presented the flower at the dark hedgehog, his eyes fixated on him eagerly awaiting a reaction._

_Shadow's pupils dotted around from the flower to Silver then back to the flower and then Silver again, "Um..." Silver's wide grin began fading, "What?"_

_"That's a ... nice_ stem _you got there."_

 _He bent his wrist so that the flower came into his vision, "What? B-but it was a whole flower I swear! It was like this large white orb ... thing." He held the empty boring stem in his hand with sad_ d _isappointment all over him._

_Shadow didn't fully understand what came over him but seeing the white hedgehog this down just compelled him. He grabbed his hand, instantly getting Silver's attention, "Where did you find it?"_

_His eyes were still firmly planted at the mixing of his and Shadow's fingers, trying not to make it obvious at the widening of his eyes, "I-I can't show you, it was the only one there." He semi-whined._

_Shadow beamed despite Silver's apparent letdown as he took the empty stem into his inspection, "Hmm. If I'm right, then this should be a dandelion."_

_"A dandelion?"  
_

_Shadow didn't think he was capable of smiling for this long. This was gonna be good. He held his arm out in front of Silver, "Grab on. I think I know a place."  
_

_He smirked as Silver hesitantly placed a hand on his arm, "_ _Okay,"_

_A green aura began to surround them and a quick rush of air blew past them as it seemed like they were getting hurtled through the fabric of space. As soon as the odd sensation stopped Silver bent down, hands on knees as he began to recover, grunting as he did. He would've thought he would've gotten used to this by now. It shouldn't be any different to time travel yet it was._

_"Heh, sorry." Shadow apologised._

_With a final cough, he lifted himself up again, "Wow..."_

_Silver's vision panned across the landscape. As far as he could see was this gorgeous field of what he now knew to be dandelions. Little white specks sticking up from the rolling hills gently swaying amongst patches of a more amber coloured cluster of flowers in the light breeze. Looking around he saw the field encased in these sunlit trees which red leaves mixed in with the snowy dandelions. The evening sunbeams of orange gave an illuminating hue across the field. And it was beautiful._

_Shadow crossed his arms and gave a gentle smile, appreciating how Silver's mouth was still open in awestruck as he took his first cautious steps into the field. Even the wind was singing it's tune whilst the flora and leaves all ruffled together. The white hedgehog was helpless but to cough out a disbelieving sniggle as his enchanted face gradually converted into another broad grin._

_"I didn't know places like this could exist." He spun towards Shadow who was kneeling down, gathering a bunch of dandelions in his grip, "Thank you Shadow. I don't know how I can repay you." Shadow continued coming up to him, manually taking one of Silver's hands and placing the dandelions in them, closing his fingers around them._

_Shadow found it difficult for him to let go of his hand now. He just wanted to hold them forever._

_"How about you let me take you to more places like this? There's so many spots around Mobius I wanna take you when we're done with all this." Shadow ran his fingers across one of Silver’s quills, fixing it as he guided it behind his ear._

_Silver looked down at the mixture of white gloves and dandelions connecting the two hedgehogs, pensive in thought and hoping he wasn’t blushing at the dark hedgehog’s touch.  
_

_He really wanted to accept, he was dying to. But the future was still a thing he needed to address, "I know you mean well Shadow, but I gotta save my future. Once I do, we can go wherever you want. But whatever I do here can't be for nothing. Including you."_

_Shadow gave a soft and considerate smile, "Okay. I understand." He let go of Silver and instead brought his arm up to rest across the white hedgehog's shoulder, using his other free hand to lift the batch of dandelions up to Silver's mouth, "Blow on them."_

_He gave Shadow a puzzled look, but listened to him nonetheless. Inhaling and filling up his lungs he pushed out a constant stream of air releasing a cloud of frosted bits into the air, dissolving from the bulbous orbs on top of the flowers. It all spread out into the field as Silver's pupils expanded at the marvel, giggling happily and screaming out in jubilation, all as Shadow held him closer, never knowing if he would enjoy a moment of genuine joy like this ever agin._

_ ************************ _


	3. The Yang in Yin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang's plan to head up to WPZ is in full motion. But Silver is still plagued by what he's had to endure.
> 
> And although Shadow brands himself hopeless, it's up to Sonic and Rouge to help him understand he doesn't have to be afraid.

"I don't fully see the point in getting the train." Tails, legs aching and mind numbing from the sheer amount of waiting was finally getting to him as he decided to rest on a unusually uncomfortable bench in the middle of Sunset City's busiest train station, "I have a perfectly good plane back home! Doesn't take much to install a few extra seats- besides, Sonic can run fast! He can get to White Park in no time!"

The fox's rambling took Amy out of her extensive planning, setting a sort of 'travel log' down as she giggled at Tail's misunderstanding, "Tails, it's not about getting there fast. It's about the journey and appreciating the slow things in life. Y'know, be like normal Mobians for once." Amy explained to the young fox.

Tails scoffed in frustration one more time that afternoon, "Knowing Sonic, I'm surprised he even agreed to this. How he's gonna sit still on a train for over _four hours_ is beyond me."

The pink hedgehog pursed her lips. She knew his mood would improve once Sonic got here, "Eeh, don't sell Sonic short. He can appreciate slow just as much as he loves fast." In the corner of her eye she caught a peep off deep blue mixing within the crowd of bodies meandering their way through the station, "Speak of the devil,"

A grin grew across her face. Emerging from the cluster of Mobians was indeed their blue hedgehog who, like Amy and Tails, was adorning a relatively thick winter jacket that almost matched the colour of his fur, just a few shades off.

Amy stowed her log away in her bag, walking up to him arms out, "Hi you!" They connected with a brief warm embrace, "You're looking good! Different style; I like it!." Amy complemented the blue blur's new garment, appreciating the way it made him seem tougher.

Sonic chuckled, always enjoying the company of the pink hedgehog, "Ha, says you! I'm starting to think we shoulda gone somewhere warmer. This thing does not do me any favours." Sonic turned his attention to his trustworthy sidekick, "Hey Bud!"

And just as Amy had predicted, the fox was elated to see his long-time friend, "Hey Sonic!" They conjoined their hands in a high five which morphed into a handshake, "Oh, sorry I'm late by the way," Sonic looked around the little pocket of space the group occupied by this little bench, only really noticing it was just them. He scratched his head, "And by the looks of it, a lot more are gonna be sorry. Where is everyone?"

Amy crossed her arms, "Hmph, I had a feeling this was gonna happen. Especially You." She pointed a finger at him, "For someone who's fast you sure like being late."

He simply smirked and shrugged his shoulders, "What can I say?"

She rolled her eyes this time, "Riiight. That's why I told everyone to come an hour earlier! And apparently even that's not enough. Poor Tails has been sitting here forever!"

The fox turned his accusing eyes right into the pink hedgehog, "An **hour** early!?"

She fluffed the tufts of fur on the fox's head, "You'll get over it." Tails weakly groaned and let his head lay on his fist, elbow set on his leg. Sonic, tugging on his unwieldy jacket, placed himself next to the fox, kicking back and deciding it was gonna be a while, "So I'm guessing no news from Team Dark or Silver yet?"

Amy stretched a hand out as she began laying things out, "Well, the thing is Silver got a lift from Rouge so I'm a little surprised she's late without Shadow or Omega slowing them down."

Sonic hummed in an understanding tone before he perked up, "Wait, Shadow's not with them? I thought he was coming?"

Amy opened her mouth to speak but promptly closed it, hesitating. Ultimately she whipped her phone out and double checked her information, "... Yeah, see here." She shuffled across the bench right next to Sonic, accidentally almost pushing Tails off the side as he gave an uneasy wail as he stabilised himself, "Rouge said Shadow left before her. It's Omega that didn't wanna come."

Sonic raised an eyebrow, "Huh. It's not like Shadow to be late. If anything else, it Shadow that get's slowed down by others." And of course, the two hedgehogs that didn't show up on time, besides himself and Rouge since she's probably been caught up in all this, were the two who seemed stuck in the mud. Or he could be overthinking it. Maybe both were just late? Although it definitely was no coincidence,

"Hmmm." Sonic was pensive in thought, lightly laughing to himself as he realised one very strong possibility: Maybe Rouge went through the back door to this place (She always managed to find a 'back door' of some kind) so maybe she's already inside.

"You know Amy, Rouge and Silver could already be here. Maybe they're waiting somewhere?"

The pink hedgehog shook her head, "No, she woulda texted me." And right on cue her phone pinged. Lifting the now illuminated screen she promptly read the incoming message from the bat as Sonic peeked over her shoulder, "Look up?" The pair looked up and not to any surprise at all Rouge and Silver were discreetly hovering above them, by different means, bracing themselves to land in the tight spaces surrounding the group.

"Hello everyone! I hope we've managed to remain somewhat punctual." Rouge declared fixing her maroon winter dress and straightening her beret, "You would not believe what it took to get this lump outta bed." She lightly tapped the back of her hand onto Silver's chest with a bit of exasperation. The young hedgehog chuckled nervously feeling a great mixture of emotions, similar to the concoction of feelings he experienced waking up this morning as he grinned uneasily, "Hehe, sorry. It's just..." He tried to conjure a lie, "It's just, this is my first time travelling- besides time, haha- and I guess I didn't feel ready for it?" There was also one more thing he wasn't ready for. And he didn't seem to be here yet.

Sonic heaved himself up from the bench, "If you can handle time travel, I think you're all set for normal travel, Silver."

The white hedgehog produced a joyous smile, albeit still timid, "Yeah, you're probably right."

The blue hedgehog clapped his hands together getting the attention of everyone in the circle, "Now, before we let you get this trip underway, Amy, does anyone know where Shadow is?"

Rouge bobbed her head slightly as she made silent eye contact with the blue blur. Connecting in their mute form of communication, the bat nodded her head up which the blue hedgehog's eyes followed to an atrium containing this weird-hanging-art from the glass roof. In an instant Sonic knew what she was trying to say, "Oh ... Alright then, uh, Amy! Take everyone inside the station; I'll find Shadow."

Upon the instruction, the excitement boiling in the group was palpable as the pink hedgehog ushered everyone through the large sliding doors, chitter chat amongst them beginning to blend into the ambient noise of the station. The only odd one out was the worried and distressed face Silver worn as he continuously looked back at the pair of Rouge and Sonic.

Sonic, inconspicuously making sure Silver was gone, turned to the bat, crossing his arms, "So he's up there then." He pushed his pupils up, looking at the atrium.

Rouge nodded her head, "Yup. Better go talk to him. Not sure if second thoughts really suite Shadow."

Sonic leaned in closer, "I’m really worried about him. I know he’s not the most ‘stable’ guy but ..." He trailed off, hoping he got his point across without having to say anything more morbid.

"I get what you mean. You’ve got to understand I’ve known him a long time. He sees himself as this evil in the world and it really messes with him, cause he knows he’s not but he brands himself as one anyways." She took a deep breath in, "And loosing Maria and Gerald on top of that ... He’s had it tough. The guilt he has for every little thing he does, I can tell it tears him apart."

Sonic nodded in pity of their damaged friend, "I’ll go find him. You go find the others. It’d be best to keep Silver calm; he looked pretty concerned."

She gave a lazy two fingered salute, "Copy that,"

The bat fixed her dress once more before heading off, playing catch up with the others as she barely lifted herself off the ground, gliding across the air with her wings. Sonic sighed and shook his head and began walking through the station, finding a well hidden stairwell on the side of the building.

Man, it was really bizarre seeing Shadow act like this. It occurred to Sonic that Shadow was fully lovestruck before he was. And although it was something he didn't expect of the dark hedgehog at all, he gotta give credit where credit was due. One thing Sonic discovered over this past year was that he'd really, extremely, heavily mistaken who Shadow was. He always seemed so cold and emotionless, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Knowing the truth about him now, his past and his perception of his present existence, the blue blur didn't know if he could go through what Shadow did and still be kicking it today.

Happiness wasn't something the red and black hedgehog had the privilege of experiencing, at least everyday, so he was glad he could find some solace in their time traveller. What he didn't understand was why Shadow seemed so adamant about making it, quote en quote, official. He was sure Shadow had his reasons, but if he was asked, Sonic would say the dark hedgehog was purposely denying himself happiness.

It was obvious. Both Rouge and him sussed it out. But Sonic didn't fully know how he was gonna help him. Why Shadow would deny himself this slice of joy after living a life of pure tragedy, Sonic really didn't understand.

Reaching the last steps, Sonic pulled on the door leading into the roof and began walking the thin corridor hanging level with the atrium and the art-things (they were like large ruby stones just hanging from metal wires) Scanning the narrow area, the unmistakeable red streaks in the quills gave Shadow away immediately. He was sitting on one of the ruby stones, dangling his legs dejectedly as he gently swayed the art suspended by the wires. Sonic couldn't quite make it out, but he could tell something was in his hand which the dark hedgehog was looking down at. He couldn't see his face yet he could tell by the way he slumped over the object he held dear that whatever it was, it held some sort of torment.

_************************ _

This was a mistake. Everything about him was a mistake.

Why he ever let that blue idiot convince him this would ever work, Shadow really did not know. What was the point in all of this? Did he really think that there was any benefit to going on a _holiday_ with Silver? What could he possibly gain from this that would sustain him in any way? He was going to live forever. Even if things did go well, he’d eventually loose it.

Besides the fighting, the violence and all his struggles, he boiled down to this useless bioengineered weapon. What use did he have for love? G.U.N would probably end up assassinating him anyways, tie up that last loose end. He didn't care how many times he was assured an operation like that wouldn't happen; if Shadow was in charge he would've ordered it years ago.

Nobody trusted him to not revert back to trying to screw the world over again; not even himself. Leaving Shadow alive was dangerous and that kind of danger he didn't want to project onto the only hedgehog he cared about.

...

The red and black hedgehog let his ruby eyes fall into the single dandelion he caressed softly within his grasp. Treasuring every single bit of white fluff around the end of it, he shielded them from the light gust of wind blowing through the large open glass windows. The smooth texture of the fuzz reminded him of Silver’s fur as he ran his fingertips through them.

Shadow may have a ton of regrets, wished he never experienced his first breath of air or know what it was even like to love in the first place. But he could not find it within himself to regret feeling something for Silver. Showing him a world of wonders he himself could not see the beauty in, his innocence and his optimism. It gave him a desire to live like nothing else had.

Shadow filled his lungs up before letting it flow out in a desolate sigh.

He really hated his life. Despite having found all he'd lost on the ARK, it truly gave him absolutely nothing. Just nothing. Unfair and vile; of course it wasn’t that simple with Silver. Any desire that hoped to manifest within him was slashed by the fact he wasn’t anywhere good enough for him. The fact that something like him shouldn't have been blessed with an ability to love. Although his eyes ran tears with the same speed and ferocity as a white-water river, dripping down onto the station below as if he was his own tiny rain cloud, his face only showed a slight sadness; not having enough energy to show beyond a mere frown.

"Y’know, you’re getting real sloppy Shadow. I mean, one look up and I know where you are?" Sonic tutted his lips jokingly, trying to open up a pathway to speak with him, "I expect better from you."

Clearly it didn't work as the red streaked hedgehog ignored him, continuing to just look out across Sunset City Grand Central Station, "Hello? Mobius to Shadow? I'm trying to help you here."

Shadow clenched his teeth, this blue asshole was so fucking annoying, almost crushing them as he spat out, "Don't you have a train to get on, faker?"

The dark hedgehog's ears twitched as he heard Sonic's shoes clank the metal walkway, no doubt getting closer, "Ooh, 'faker', Strange, usually I call you that, haha. Haven't heard that one in a while." Sonic crossed his arms, "And I think you mean 'we' have a train to catch."

Sonic could see Shadow's whole body tense up, "I ... I'm not going." The red and black hedgehog could not be bothered with this right now. He'd throw himself off the atrium if it mean't not talking to Sonic, _again_. "Oh, c'mon Shadow. It's not like you to get cold feet. What's the worst that could happen?" 

Oh gee, Shadow doesn't know! Only getting himself roped into a relationship he will loose and then he'll have to feel hopeless and empty again. Wow Sonic, would you look at that! That's the worst thing that could happen. Not rejection or completely loosing his friendship with him over this, nope! It was feeling the exact same things he knew he would feel when he lost the ARK. How this idiot couldn't see this- Ugh screw him, "Sonic ... Just please stop whatever it is you're trying to do. I don't _want_ it. I don't _need_ it."

Sonic crossed his arms, worry plastered all over his face. This wasn't the start he was hoping for, "Silver's waiting down there for you. You don't wanna disappoint him, do you?"

The red streaked hedgehog lightly breezed over the fluff of the dandelion again, "No he isn't. I'm the last thing he want's to see." Shadow saw his reflection in the cheap plastic of the hanging art, sickened at what looked back at him.

Sonic felt a tiny bullet of pity hit him in his stomach hearing Shadow call himself a 'thing' again, "You only believe that cause you tell yourself that. If you went down there, I'm sure he'd love to see you again."

Shadow, for the first time turned and stared his ruby eyes right into Sonic's, "Really? Did he even ask where I was? Why I wasn't there?" He flung a hand dismissively.

Sonic looked like a deer in headlights, completely speechless, "... No. He didn't."

"Hmph. What I thought." He twisted back to face out across the atrium.

Sonic scoffed and sighed, leaping over the railing and landing on the hanging art. Keeping his balance he sat himself right next to Shadow, "Listen man, I wan't you to be happy. I'm sure you do to. But you're throwing away a once in a lifetime opportunity! Don't do this to yourself."

" 'Do this to myself?' Do you really think I have any power to change any of my circumstances?" Shadow wiped his eyes, revealing what a horror show they were to Sonic, much to his sorry surprise.

"Of course you do! There's always a chance to make things better! Look at all the times we defeated Eggman, you can't tell me I'm wrong." Sonic's emerald pupils darted around Shadow's face awaiting a response; anything. But Shadow refused to give in. Fifty years his life had been nothing but torture. He was certain nothing could change his world now. If Silver could, it doesn't matter anymore. To Shadow, that was all over now.

"When you got infected with that metal virus, Mobians thought we were done for. With you fighting for Eggman," Shadow winced at the thought of fighting for Eggman again, willingly or not, "Everyone thought there was no way back, even I’d lost some faith. But I and everyone else pushed through because we knew there was always a chance." Sonic waited for another response from the unresponsive hedgehog that would not come, "I'm telling you right now, don't give up!"

Shadow sneered as he repeated Sonic's advice, "Don't give up." He ridiculed Sonic's words.

Shadow thought back to all the times he'd brood over the edges of buildings, cliffs or mountains looking right up at the night sky; just like the spectacular views of space he had on the ARK. Not once did the dark hedgehog not think of simply letting himself fall to the ground, hoping the height would be enough to draw every last bit of immortality out of him and return him back to the stars. Back to Maria.

"What makes you think I haven't already given up?" Shadow skilfully unsheathed his gun, using his sleight of hand to discreetly unload the magazine and cock the gun, leaving the chamber empty. A few drops of his tears fell onto the black metal of the pistol.

Although Sonic wouldn't have known, flinching as soon as he caught sight of the immoral and deadly weapon, "If I was dying, do you think I'd ask you to save me?"

Sonic tried to stay strong in the face of such anguish yet was still recovering from the shock Shadow gave him, "Well, that doesn't matter cause I'd save you anyways."

Shadow had his own retort, sticking the gun right against his temple. The blue blur instantly went for the pistol, fear controlling every action, "Shadow! Stop!" But Shadow was quick; quick enough to completely dodge him as he stood behind Sonic, "I can tell you that doesn't matter either because I don't want to live forever." 

Shadow pulled the trigger, an empty click of dry fire occurred, much to the relief of the scrambling blue hedgehog as he held his chest tightly, "I'll decide to end my own life when I've had enough." The dark hedgehog let his arm flop, the gun resting idly on his thigh.

The way he said it so calmly gave Sonic shivers right up and down his back, "Please don't ever do that again." Sonic facepalmed, still reeling from what he just saw, "You don't actually mean that, do you?" Once more, Shadow did not respond, evading the responsibility of confirming or denying his statement as he slotted the magazine back into the handle and flicked the safety on.

The blue blur looked out to the mass of Mobians crossing the station before facing Shadow once more, "... Have you had enough?" It was a risky question, but one Sonic felt compelled to ask.

The red streaked hedgehog glanced at the dandelion once more, sensing all it meant to him as his ruby eyes shimmering as light reflected off his tears, "I don't know."

Sonic tapped his fingers on his lap absentmindedly. He knew Shadow was stubborn. If he told himself he wasn’t fit to walk this world, then he would believe it until his demise. But he recalled what Rouge told him; there was a common denominator in all this. One last card Sonic could play to trump all of this and force Shadow to see what he believed was untrue, "Do you feel like you’ve had enough when you’re with Silver?"

Emerald and Ruby eyes connected as Sonic saw right through the red streaked hedgehog's window into his soul.

"..."

_************************ _

Silver buried his head into Rouge's shoulder as he burst into sobs as she recoiled at the sudden intrusion of her personal space, gingerly getting a hand to pat Silver on the back. The bat sincerely hoped Sonic was having a more successful endeavour than herself. She was glad she chose to pull Silver aside from the group before he popped in front of them, "W-Why didn't he show up?"

Rouge continued to comfort him, motherly rubbing his back, "I can't stop thinking something horrible happened to him. I knew I shouldn't have left HQ without him." He couldn't stop his mind from overflowing with pictures of Shadow hurt or worse. He kept asking himself why he avoided him this morning. He wanted, more than anything else on Mobius, to keep Shadow safe but he couldn't bear the thought of being near him. He was clueless to why he felt like that. To him it made no sense his brain would function like this.

"Shh, c'mon Silver, it's gonna be okay." The bat continued to allow the white hedgehog to hide his ruined face as she continued to guide him further and further away from the others, hoping they weren't gonna look for him soon.

"No. No it's not okay." He coughed out a weak sob, using the front and back of his hands to wipe his eyes,

"I don't know what's wrong with me!" He despised being stuck in between these two worlds: Thinking the best thing he could do for Shadow was to stay away from him and not jeopardise his wellbeing or stay by his side and take responsibility for him. Both options gave him horrors and agony he never dreamed imaginable. Keeping his distance from him ached every last piece of his heart, but the undying fear he felt crippling his body when they were together was equally hideous.

Rouge sighed to herself at the outright state of Silver and Shadow and held her words under her breath, "What is going on with you two?"

She thought it was just a simple case of 'Oh, Silver, go on and get together. Boom, done deal.' but they were revealing a much larger picture. A dishevelled canvas of emotions the two composed together. She needed to know more.

Just holding and consoling the young hedgehog she saw a flash of darkness skipping in between Mobians as the crowd mixed and merged. Rouge squinted her eyes, trying for a clearer image and making sure she wasn't deceiving herself. Surfacing from the cluster of travellers was indeed Shadow walking right up to them, beside him was Sonic. 

The bat's pupils dilated in alarm as she began discreetly shooing him away with repeated flicks of her hand. Gah, Shadow could not have picked a worse time to show up. At least Sonic got through to him at least. She'd have to congratulate him on such a feat.

The red and black hedgehog instantly clocked the signal, stoping dead in his tracks. His head darted around before managing to totally disappear as someone walked past him.

Breathing a sigh of relief she coaxed Silver into sitting down on one of the plentiful amounts of benches littered across the station, keeping a guiding hand on his shoulder. He sniffled his nose before wiping it, trying his damnedest to stop the exodus of tears pouring out, "Ugh, I'm sorry Rouge. I know you wanted a fun vacation; I'm probably ruining everything. I'll go home if you want."

She made a warm smile at him, "Alone? Not a hope in hell."

Through sobs and sniffles he managed a sad chuckle as Rouge scooted closer, "But seriously, what's the deal with Shadow?"

Silver drew in air into himself, gauging what he was gonna even say. He released his sigh causing his lips to flap and vibrate. He let his head fall as he shook it, still searching for a way that doesn't make all of this sound insane, "Y'know back when we assaulted Eggman's base?"

Rouge quickly scanned the crowd in front of her. She could see Sonic diverting the little search party the others formed away from them, "Yeah?"

"That wasn't the first time-reality I encountered." Silver breath was shaky, voice fragile and lacking strength.

Rouge produced a puzzled expression, "What do you mean?"

"The events that happened weren't the true events. The first reality I experienced ... Shadow-" Silver held a fist to his mouth, feeling his face contort and squeeze up as he held his breath, wishing for the tears to go away, "S-S-Shadow ... died."

The bat did not react, if she did she kept it to herself. She opted instead to merely listen and absorb, "So of course, I went back to try and save him. But I didn't. And the same outcome happened over and over." A tiny drop of anger managed to dribble into Silver's large pool of melancholy as he tightened his fists and pushed tears out his face; ever growing in rage, "Every time I wen't back in time, no matter how many times I felt like I'd mastered whatever events were coming up, no matter how much I planned, I was always left with him ... dead." He hissed out the last word, feeling how it made the air around him colder.

"And it was my fault every time. The look on his face knowing I'd let him down in his last moments ... It made me feel like I would only ever fail him and that the best thing I could do for him is stay away."

Rouge nodded her head slowly. It was hard for her to empathise with things only Silver had gone through. Nobody else on this world knew about the other realities. She found it strange the white hedgehog was the only one alive to go through that. All she knew and understood was that it couldn't have been easy, "Listen to me Silver. Cutting ties with Shadow is the worst thing you could've done to him."

Silver immediately looked up at her in guilty disbelief, "Shadow needs you more than anything this world could give him. I know you think you're doing what's best for him, but without you, nothing matters to him." The ivory hedgehog sniffed his nose once more as the wave of regret and remorse crashed into him, sweeping him up in it's vicious current. How could he not factor in how much this would've affected Shadow? He felt so sorry for him. Gradually Silver came to the conclusion that by not remaining by his side, all his efforts to save him were for nothing.

"So promise me one thing: Tell him you love him. It'll change his whole life." She offered a reassuring smile.

Though the pressure bearing down upon him fluctuated against his better judgement. It was crushing his core; all of it still felt wrong, "I don't know if I can. I just feel so guilty all the time." He dragged a finger underneath his eyelid, clearing the droplets still forming, although slower now.

"Trust me, Silver. It'll make things so much better, for the both of you."

He nodded his head earnestly. He felt a minuscule rush of positivity course through him. Something he had not felt for a while. Something he desperately needed a taste of, "I'll try."

Rouge stood up and lend a hand to Silver, "C'mon. The others are gonna wonder where the hell we are."

_************************ _

If Silver hadn't been so freaked out, he probably woulda realised and appreciated the talented artistry and architecture of the old train station. The marble work was unlike anything he'd even seen before. He'd seen his fair share of buildings in the past, or present for everyone else, reality: Wood, metal and other materials, but this rock had a grand feel to it. Guess that's why it's called the Grand Central Station, connecting all parts of Mobius.

As he walked through and admired everything around him, he breathed in and out continously, letting his hands come up his chest as air was drawn in and spreading his hands out to the side as he released, "Stay calm, Silver. Just stay calm." He rubbed his aching temples, "You're gonna have fun, try new things and have it be that. Go home to Shadow after a few days, smooth things over and happy days."

Rouge just about made out the red streaked hedgehog out in the distance, keeping away from the main circle their group formed. She bit her lip realising she forgot to tell Silver he was here, "Uh, about that Silver." She held a finger up awkwardly, getting the young hedgehog's attention.

"Huh? What about what- Oh Chaos..." His vision locked onto Shadow, immediately dilating as his breathing quickened tenfold. He held his fist against his chest, feeling his heart pounding as his hands began tingling, like a bunch of needles were pricking at his fur.

The bat hastily went in front of him in the hopes of hiding him. Geez, they were so close now! "Woah, woah, woah, hey! Silver! What's going on?"

Not only was his chest huffing and puffing at an alarming rate, they were staggered and trembling. His whole body seemed to be shaking. Rouge started waving her hand in front of his face trying to get him to snap out of it, but he kept his eyes fixated and still. Everything in him was telling his body to shut down in terror. His whole soul was sizzling with anxiety and dread immobilising him on the spot, "Silver! Talk to me, Silver!"

The white hedgehog no longer saw the gorgeous station anymore. His mind fabricated apparitions of Eggman's base. He heard the alarms wailing in his ears, the sound of metal robots clunking around. The screams and grunts of Shadow's failing body. He smelt blood, burns and the sulphuric tinge of singed fur. The dark hedgehog laid in a pool of his own blood.

**_SLAP!!!_ **

The bat's ungloved hand whacked right across Silver's face, bringing him straight back into reality. His head was thrown back at the impact as he instinctively held his face and let his breathing recover. He let himself stand upright again looking Rouge dead in the face, "W-What, j-just happ-pened to m-me?" His speech was broken, as if hiccups were interrupting him. Rouge held his shoulders with an assuring strength, "Silver look at me. Whatever happened, you stopped it. Whatever happened does not exist anymore. You're here. He's here."

He nodded his head and hummed, "Mhmm," As he was unwillingly mandated to muster up enough courage to walk up to Shadow. Rouge gently grabbed onto Silver's hand, leading him through the empty pockets in between the Mobians in the station. 

"Silver! Rouge! Where were you?! We've got ten minutes left!" Amy impatiently shoved Sonic and Tails out the way, getting up in both their faces.

Rouge held her hands up innocently, letting Silver take refuge behind her, still a little rattled from what happened to him, "Calm, calm darling. Silver and I were only-"

"-Yeah that's great," Amy cut her off fervently, shoving two thin long pieces of hard paper in the bat's face, "Tickets, tickets. We've leaving now!" She twisted round and began pacing it to the platform, getting into the now empty line through the gate. Clearly they were late.

Tails giggled, nudging Sonic's arm, "Hehe, someone's impatient." The blue blur began chuckling alongside his friend, finding humour in 'panicking Amy'.

"You two! Now!" Her waiting had finally boiled over as she ordered the two to follow her lead as they raced to her side in fright, "Coming Amy!" Sonic blurted out, just a tiny bit embarrassed at how fearful he sounded.

Silver pulled on the bat's sleeve, sensing who the last Mobians remaining were, "Rouge, I'm scared..." He was pleading. A tiny muzzle flash fo guilt hit her right in the gut, "It's gonna be fine, Silver. Go on and find your seat for me, Darling. He'll be next to you the entire way."

"What?"

"What!?"

Both dark and ivory hedgehog's muttered out their confusion and disbelief. The bat hurried and shooed Silver down as he stumbled over himself, "C'mon, off you go." Getting him into the line before Shadow could do anything to stop her little plan seemed so much more important now than just a mere tease for Shadow.

Shadow whipped Rouge around by pulling her collar bone, "What the hell did you mean by that? I'm not sitting next to him, am I?"

"Shadow-"

"-You're kidding me? Seriously Rouge? How fucking childish can you be?" He got up in her space, trying to tower over her.

She returned the favour with a hefty shove to his chest, "Hey! I may be your go-to-gal to venting your _frustrations_ and what not. But you do **not** talk to me like that. Capische?" The red streaked hedgehog scoffed, "I allocated the seats before I knew how dire things were between you two. And I thought I'd have a bit of fun seating you together. If I had known how Silver felt about all of this, I wouldn't have."

"Why? What did he say?" All his anger subsided in a snap, his brain now focusing on Silver. Rouge just silently shook her head.

"Maybe if you get on the train you'll find out?" She shrugged sarcastically, making a smug look as she flicked her scarf around her neck and began walking down towards the platform. 

"Ugh." Shadow groaned, skidding the polished marble floor with a rage induced kick at air. Chaos, he wanted just punch something with all his fucking might. This idea was proving to be getting progressively worse every time. He really needs to stop letting Sonic into his head. Just because he doesn't want to end his tragic and pathetic life when he's with Silver doesn't mean it's still a life worth living. He could easily just walk away and go find some mountain to sit at. Be alone. Again. 

Shadow caught his eye on the ivory hedgehog, patiently waiting at the closest train carriage. He looked like he was talking with Rouge before she went in. There was absolutely no need for this, he could just walk away. Right now; give up forever.

Don't listen to the sound if his own voice in his head screaming at him to move. Just ignore it! Don't hurt himself anymore and accept his life as a lonely creation.

Yet it was persistent. His head felt like it was on fire, caught between the two decisions within him fighting it out.

Their eyes connected. Even from so far away Shadow could see the golden hue radiating from the white hedgehog. They were beautiful. Shadow could feel the fire in him burn out as he let an exhausted sigh out, almost as if he was disappointed in himself, "Fuck's sake." He took a step forward into the line abundant with vacancies as he neared the entrance to the platform, summoning his powers as a green mist began encasing him.

_************************ _

Silver jumped as an announcement rang through his ears without any warning, catching him by surprise and prying his vision away from the dark hedgehog just up the station, "The daily service from - Sunset City Grand Central Station - to - White Park Zone - will be departing soon - please stand clear of the yellow line."

As instructed, although highly reluctantly, Silver hopped from the platform onto the little bit that sticks out the door. As he stood he looked down the carriage windows, managing to see Amy, Tails and Sonic all sitting together, laughing and smiling and enjoying each other's company.

He envied that so damn much. With a sullen look and still holding onto the door handle to support him, he turned back with mixed feelings, hoping and not hoping Shadow was gonna somehow magically show up on the train. He held his head up to view the gate all the way at the end. Nothing. He was gone.

And in that moment, he felt empty. The gaping feeling of nothingness chewing out his heart was all he felt as he finally stepped further inside the old and traditional styled train. The door slammed shut, locking shut with a light turning from lime to red.

The whole carriage bumped forward and recoiled back as it began moving, the sound of steam hissing and pumps chugging filled the air. Silver swayed at the train's initial thrust forward, still standing despondently in front of the door. He couldn't believe Shadow left. What was even the point in him showing up for like a second only for him to just disappear? Why would he do that? Why would he do that to Silver? Chaos, this was all his fault.

He may have saved Shadow that day, but he still ended up letting him down. Silver guessed even he knew that too. Why else would he just desert him like that?

He felt his back being brushed, "I'm sorry, Silver." Rouge gave him a regretful pat on the back as she continued past him, heading for the same carriage as the others.

Silver sighed and rubbed his tired face as he pulled out his own ticket, looking at the corresponding set of letters and numbers, aligning them up with the same numbers and letters above each cabin. "Hm, I, guess this is it for me." Great, he was talking to himself again. Just like he always did in the future. 

The future.

Where he was lonely.

He slid the door open, letting it spring close as the sound of the train whirring became muffled, drowned out by the confined air of the tiny space. He walked in and looked around. Without anyone else in it, it wasn't anything special. Just two cushioned benches facing each other with a large window at the end. Gingerly, he took it step by step to reach the furtherest end of the bench as he sat himself down, huddling right up in the corner as he brought his knees to his chest and looked out the window. His breath condensed as fog on the window.

The sound of silence and the passing scenery of the now ever growing distant station out the window were all that consoled him now.

Again. 

He was alone.

He felt like such a moronic idiot. His only chance at gaining a companion, a friend, someone to love. He completely threw it away! Chaos, it felt like the right thing to do at the time! All that was important to him after that day was to keep him safe! He did the right thing? He had to! He had to stay away from Shadow, it was the only way! That way, he'd never put him in danger ever again. Instead he substitutes himself into that danger; the way it should be. Shadow's had a hard enough life, it should be him sacrificing himself and putting his life on the line. It was his duty. Besides, it seemed like Shadow also realised what he did was for the best of them.

But as the high rises and other urban buildings all seamlessly transitioned into more rural and suburban districts something dawned on him. Shadow should be showing him these new places. Silver promised him they would do this together.

He rested his forehead on the window, folding in on himself, "This isn't fun..."

His nose sniffed, feeling his tears arise once more, "This doesn't feel good."

He despised talking to himself. Just felt like something in him was broken whenever he did. His own voice bounced around the void cabin as he desperately tried to fill it up. But nothing could. He lived enough years in solitude to know nothing could. He closed his eyes, a black screen being placed in front of him. With his lungs still shaking with sobs and face ruined by his incessant weeping, he cried himself to sleep. Something he'd never get used to.

_************************ _

"Huagh!" 

Shadow grunted as he teleported a few inches higher than the roof of the speeding train, almost slipping as he kneeled down to find his balance, keeping a hold of the plastic bag in his hand, "Aagh! The roof of this damn train had to be the last I saw of it." He sharped his orientation and bearings and he began observing his surroundings. Yup, the train was well into the mountains now. Rising up the cliffside, Chaos only knew how this train line was still in commission. The deep ravine was masked by the layer of cloud or fog gently sitting above it. Wind rushed past him as well as the rush of snow that cascaded upon him.

Using his jet boots, he propelled himself forward, latching onto the edge of the roof and slipping in between the spaces of the two carriages, landing smoothly as he yanked the door open and quickly shuffling his feet inside. It was still freezing when the door closed; he could still see his own breath leave his mouth.

"I don't believe it."

Shadow turned his head to see a gobsmacked Rouge, who's hands were on her hips, "You showed up."

The dark hedgehog made nothing of her surprise, instead he started searching for the cabin he was meant to share, "Woah, slow down there, handsome." Shadow felt something on his collar bone twirl him back to face the bat, "What changed your mind?"

"Him." Shadow had a suspicion that none of this was worth the risk, but when it came to Silver: He turned out to be the only exception in this fucked up world Shadow was placed into.

She smiled contently, "Of course he did." Her gaze eventually found itself to the plastic shopping bag Shadow was carrying, "Hmm, aren't you gonna tell me what's in there?"

Shadow let his pupils fall down to look upon the bag, almost forgetting he was even carrying it. He held it away from her defensively, "It's nothing."

She widened her eyes to tease him, "Nothing? Well wouldn't hurt if I took a peek."

Again he held his hand out impatiently, stoping her advances, "No. It's for Silver."

Rouge cooed at the cute gesture, "Oooh, look at you Casanova! Getting gifts now?" She barged past Shadow's extended arm and took a gander at the contents inside anyways, "How romantic." Shadow's face turned a shade of red Rouge never in a million years would've dreamed of witnessing, eliciting a light laugh out of her, "I'll leave you two alone. He's in the third cabin down there," She pointed at the corresponding door, "Good luck." And left him to his thoughts once more. A dangerous thing to do.

Nerves were getting the better of him as doubt filled his mind, "Wait."

Rouge did as she was requested, turning her head, "Mhmm?"

Shadow bit his lip, "How can I trust you? How do you know he doesn't hate me like everyone else. How do you know wether I'll hurt him or not?" His ruby pupils were swimming in pain.

Rouge came up to him once more, holding him tight in her arms, "Because **I** know you love him. If you know it or not, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you won't ever hurt him." The bat released him, lightly pushing him towards Silver's cabin, "Now go get him." She gave a comforting grin before she whipped her head round and left the carriage.

Shadow kept staring at the handle, taking a huge breath in and letting it out slowly. He forced himself to stay calm and to take anything on the chin. He had a feeling this wasn't gonna go well. He pulled on the groove in the door acting as a handle sliding it open, revealing his adorable frame all scrunched up in the corner of the cabin. 

The dark hedgehog's heart melted immediately. He felt this warmth rush through his body, turning everything under his tough shell into this soft mush. 

Getting closer to him, he saw his body lightly shivering as he was muttering to himself incoherent gibberish. His face would eventually flinch as he slept. Something was troubling him. Shadow tired to remain as silent as he could as he sat down still looking at the hedgehog, but the ruffling of the plastic bag caused the younger of the two to shoot his eyes wide open as he gasped some air.

He groggily lifted his head off the window and stared right into Shadow. His breathing did not seem to slow down at all.

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you." Silver unfolded his legs out from under his chest, letting his feet fall onto the floor. Shadow spoke up again, letting his mind take over and just splurge his thoughts, "You mumble in your sleep." Silver shook his head side to side, still shocked with his mouth gaping open, "I hate bad dreams." Shadow told Silver.

The ivory hedgehog heaved himself up and launched himself straight into the darker hedgehog, wrapping his arms right around his neck as he fell into the space besides him. Although he felt relief and cherished the hedgehog in his arms, the paralysing fear was still setting into him. He hugged him tighter before letting him go without even saying a word, pushing through the voices telling him to let go. He was rendered totally lost for words right now. It felt like something was wedged in his throat, he couldn't find it within himself to talk to him.

Shadow could feel how ice cold the young hedgehog was, "I got you something." Shadow gave a awkward smile, not enjoying how quiet Silver was being as he dug out the white winter jacket, "I don't know if it'll fit but... Can I put it on you?" Silver nodded as Shadow lifted his arms, sliding the young hedgehog's arms through the sleeves. Silver was enthralled and enchanted with every touch Shadow gave him. As he buttoned it up he could feel ... something between the two. He was mentally punching himself to just say something already! Why was it so fucking difficult!?

"There." He smiled at him tugging at the jacket and fixing it in place. The sleeves were a little too long though, covering his hands. It was cute though. Shadow just wanted to hold him, but ultimately locked his wants away, still weary and aware of what he still was, "Warmer?"

All he could do was give another meek nod of his head and a quiet hum, "Mhmm." He just couldn't do any more than that. His lips just wouldn’t separate. A sort of pressure was building up in him, he wanted it to just burst so he could tell Shadow how much him being here meant to him.

But alas whatever wall was built within him, it was tougher than diamond.

Shadow brought Silver to sit back down. It was taking all his willpower to control himself. He really, really just wanted to give him a kiss or anything just to show him he cares for him and that he'll try not to hurt him.

Shadow saw the ivory hedgehog’s golden eyes weren’t as vibrant as they usually were. They were dim and lackluster in its shine, "Do you wanna go back to sleep?"

Once again, "Mhmm." Silver took his chance instantly, sacrificing no time to rest his head against Shadow's shoulder, placing his hand underneath his temple and on Shadow's arm, snuggling his head deeper into Shadow as he rubbed his head to get comfy. Although his face looked like pure bliss, the images of his nightmare were lacerating his brain once more. He hopelessly tried to shove them out his mind trying to fall back asleep.

Shadow looked down at the seemingly peaceful hedgehog underneath him. The whole weight of the world bore down on the red streaked hedgehog. It was his world: Silver. He couldn't help himself but place his fingers on one of Silver's ears, gently caressing it between them. The pressure of him pressing against his body reminded Shadow what he would give to keep this forever. He didn't want to loose his. Not ever. He couldn't live if he did. He guess Rouge and Sonic had done it. Nothing in his life had never mattered as much as Silver did right now. Chaos knew this wasn't something Shadow was going to give up.

He continued to rub Silver's ear, all as a small yet lively village appeared in the window, all illuminated in festive lights beamed down the valley from up the cliff as their destination grew nearer. 


	4. The Yin in Yang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight trigger warning here. I'm not going to explicitly state what it is, but be cautious.

_ ************************ _

_Ice cold. Every strand of fur on Silver's body was stiff and frozen, sticking out uncomfortably as he felt tingling shivers run up and down his back. Yet at the same time it was as if his body was experiencing nothing. No stimulation, no senses. He just seemed as if he was floating throughout this abyss of nothingness. No corporeal body was there to accompany these feelings, even if he knew they were there. If he tried to reach out with his hand, nothing appeared in front of him. It was still this dark void that encased him._

_Was he dreaming?_

_The black world he found himself in soon began to shake and rumble, trembling vigorously and roaring louder and louder as a line rose up from the non-existent ground to completely cut his view in half, separating it into two different realities._ _The two vastly different worlds began to form themselves slowly._

_To his left, a world captured in a great white neon illumination sparked into life, gradually dimming out to reveal visions of tall skyscrapers, vibrant blue skies mixed in with the lovely jade patches of nature. Mobians were bustling everywhere as the sun shinned brightly onto them. It evoked a sense of positivity and joy from Silver's soul. But within it was this patch of darkness in the sky, casting it's gloomy glare onto a single spot on the ground._

_To his right, a depressing and purple tinged dark light gleamed onto a world of death. It was the total opposite of the more lively left side. The same skyscrapers stood destroyed and dishevelled, the walls and windows were crumbling off. The flora and plant life stood brown, flakey and dead. There wasn't a single sighting of anyone moving through the obliterated streets. Just emptiness. Just looking into that reality sucked all positivity out of him. The only spot of solace he could see was the same bright light that came from the other side, only in the same opposite space in the sky._

_He recognised the right side. It was his future. The left was exactly the same, just ... better._ _Silver blinked blankly, not understanding what the hell was going on. He naturally found himself gravitating towards the side which depicted everything he'd sought after in his life. Is that really what his future could look like? It's amazing. It was ... an actual society. A functioning world of normality and safety. It was everything he'd dreamed of._

_Yet as he grew closer, a huge weight of dread began to fall upon him. Almost stepping past the invisible barrier that separated this void from his future, the anxiety of anticipating a massive consequence bore upon him. Something didn't feel right. And he probably knew where it was coming from. He glanced up to the black blotch etched into the sky, eyes connecting with it as it reflected within them._

_I_ _nstantly, his head was ravaged, eliciting a ringing pain. Every single memory, every last image he could picture in his mind of Shadow flicked through in a flash. One after the other: Happy, sad, enemy, friend, companion, love ... death. Their whole journey skipped past in his head in a snap. It was crushing him, pulverising him into a pulp of regret and remorse ... But at least he was there with him._

 _Despite that, whatever this dark spot was doing, he couldn't bare to see anymore. It was all too much. Any desire he had to venture beyond the barrier and into that world was removed from his conscious._ _He hastily reeled away from the bright future, relieving himself of whatever distress was put onto him._

_He switched his attention to the more familiar side as he started to approach it. Getting closer, he felt things all to familiar to him. The effects of how much it could dampen his spirits was diminished. Partly due to the fact his spirits couldn't possibly sink any lower. Loneliness, fear and a reluctance to believe in himself. The gang was all there. But once again, nothing felt totally right about it. Absorbing more of the saddening aura, he soon began to realise this negativity was not his. At least not fully._

_More and more did he recognise who's emotions these were. They weren't unknown to Silver. Muddling into Silver's own feelings of abandonment was Shadow's. And, Chaos, did it hurt. No matter where he looked in this fabricated world suspended in his own mind was suffering; that of his own and others._

_Even then, whatever he was experiencing, it was clearly not over. But why? Why does his stupid brain have to show him all this crap? It only made him more hopeless, more dejected as if nothing could be done to change any of this._

_He lazily raised his head up to view the bright white spot in the sky. He was anticipating some heavy emotion or something to put some sort of pressure on his head again ... But this time, nothing happened. Mirroring off the snowy patch high up in the air was simply a reflection of himself amongst this world of misery. What did that even mean to him? What was he meant to do with all this. What was he trying to see? He wasn't misinterpreting whatever farce his brain was forcing him to observe, there was nothing more to infer from this stupid dream._

_He's had enough of all this bullshit. Times like this, he wonders why he'd have to live this kind of life. He wished he was never given powers of any sort. He wished he wasn't able to go back in time. He wished he never even had the desire to be so idealistic and fix his world. He wished he'd just accepted and lived his sad lonely life in his broken future. He wished that all the people who've died helping him with a lost cause were still alive. Hell, he wished he was born in a different time, or not at all. Things would've been easier that way._

_He's tried so damn hard to fix things, be optimistic ... Now look where that's got him. He's on the verge of giving up: The friend's he'd made will have meant nothing, all his efforts will have mean't nothing, the lives he'd costed meant nothing. He was useless. Nothing has ever gone his way._

_And worst of all, the most important promise he's made in his life, Shadow meant-_

_"You're not seeing it right." A voice echoed in his head. Who's it was he could not make out._

_"You don't have to sacrifice anything for me. I wouldn't want you to sacrifice anything." Silver turned and twisted his head, trying to find the source of the voice. Yet the same old black screen split into two was the only thing that greeted him._

_"Just look one more time. You **need** to understand." And so he did, without question. He didn't know why, he tried everything in his power to stop himself. He observed the monochromatic collage of light and dark. _

_Despite both sides being a pure representation of how dispirited he'd become, the right side provided a larger sense of clarity. Amongst all the darkness, was him. A luminous spot. The beacon of hope he should be._

_But on the left, the dark splurge was blurred, chaotic with no sense of lucidity. All he knew was that Shadow was in there somewhere, in the side he deemed perfect._ _That one last bit was yet to be discovered._

_Chaos, did he even still care to go out and find out what it was though? He was sick of searching for that fantasy life he'd always dreamed of. It all seemed impossible now. He'd been looking for it for so long. Whatever hope or encouragement his own dream was trying to give him was a total lie. And he refused to be sucked into false hope again and again and again._

_ ************************ _

Silver's eyes shot open, shoving the filter of reality back into his vision. The repeating chugs and hisses of the steam engine train began filling his ears as he gradually regained his bearings. He glanced out the window. It was no longer the tall valleys in between mountains. Instead he saw a large station building getting closer and closer, all coated in thick snow. Tiny flakes landed on the window only to shrink into nothingness as it melted. He had that stupid groggy feeling that accompanied just a few hours of sleep, making it feel like he didn't even close his eyes in the first place.

Seeing all this cold outside, oddly enough he felt remarkably warm. He looked down at his arms with his hands covered by the sleeves of his new jacket. Shuffling around in his jacket, he felt restricted. Something was draped over his shoulder. It was holding him tight, loving and affectionate in the way he was held. He discreetly moved his head to see Shadow just staring off, that idle face he always had. Silver could't help himself; although a small smile flicked on his face.

Yet all this sudden sentiment didn't fully sit right with Silver. It felt undeserved. Unwarranted, like he'd done nothing to earn this. Did he truly want to earn it? His tiny grin of momentary contentment was soon replaced with a morbid frown as he swiftly pulled himself out of the embrace. "Oh, sorry. I, uh, I didn't mean to fall asleep on you." He continued his mini-shuffles further and further away from Shadow, much to his crestfallen face. Ugh, it was awful to see. His mouth hung slightly open, shocked and dismayed at the sudden distance between them. Everything in Silver just ached seeing Shadow so hurt.

"... It's okay. Really ... I didn't mind." The dark hedgehog tried to get a little closer, placing a tender hand on Silver's shoulders.

The young hedgehog immediately felt his face flush with heat. Gah, this was what he had wanted for such a long time: Being able to get even closer to Shadow. Now look at him! Now he wished he was anywhere else but here. What's wrong with him?! How come now everything he'd desired from Shadow, he suddenly felt compelled to refuse!? Why can't this just feel right?! Why can’t he just shake these thoughts from his head? Where was the hope he had before he got on the train? Why does his head hurt so damn much?

Shadow cleared his through, fidgeting with his inhibitor rings, "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"..." The white hedgehog simply did not know how to respond. His mind was torn between going up to him, hugging it out and saying 'It's fine, I'm not uncomfortable' and literally flying out of this damn train and go all the way back to Sunset City and hide for the rest of his days. He just didn't want to believe that it could be that easy to just be all happy with Shadow. 

The cabin unexpectedly went darker, the evening sunlight form outside being blocked as he Silver saw Shadow's glum look disappear into the darkness. As he turned his head around, he saw a quaint wooden platform slide past the window. Hisses of steam rose up from the ground as the metal wheels screeched to a halt. There was no automated message conveyed by a robotic voice. Instead Silver saw a Mobian blowing on a whistle and waving his arm around, "Oh, geez. We're here already?"

"Yeah ..." Shadow awkwardly stood up and bit his lip. He looked like he was thinking and consumed in his own world for a good moment before he slid the door open, waiting in the doorway and holding it open. He looked at Silver as he lingered by the door, glancing his eyes to try and signal him, "Oh, sorry." Silver shook his head minutely, trying to get himself in the game. C'mon! Why was he being so weird? Chaos, the world really didn't even feel real anymore.

He made his way though the short corridor and as soon as he opened the door, the harsh icy cold air rushed into his face, giving him the shock he really did not need right now. He quickly wrapped his own arms around his body, trying to conserve as much heat as he could. Looking around at the sparse amount of Mobians leaving the train, he quickly spotted Sonic and the others all chatting away.

The cold soon began getting under his skin, despite the coat that shrouded around him, trying hard to contain some sort of heat. Just as he started to shiver, the feeling of an arm curling around his neck brought him in closer to this vibrant source of warmth spreading around Silver's body. Silver jumped at the touch, closing his eyes and focussing all his energy on not cracking and letting his emotions spill out. Now was not the time to just break down. He breathed slowly in and out, allowing Shadow to guide them towards the group. He had to keep his cool.

Getting closer, Silver could pick up Sonic's iconic voice getting louder, "Oof, damn, I'm pretty beat you guys. I dunno if I can hit the slopes. Ironically all that sitting around's got me real tired."

Tails gently tapped Amy on her shoulder getting her attention, "I told you this would happen." He looked at Rouge and then Sonic again, darting his eyes around searching for validation, "Didn't I tell you this was going to happen?"

Amy placed her hands on her hips, "Oh C'mon Tails, we've still got three days here! And I'm sure there's plenty of things to do here at night."

Shadow and Silver jutted their way into the small circle they formed near the exit of the platform. "Oh, man. Tomorrow I'm gonna have that mountain all to myself! Up and down! Fast and faster! Non-stop, never stop! Every hour, every day!." Sonic elaborated, energy seeping out of him at the seams, despite his cries and woes of being tired literal seconds ago.

"Chaos, you are such an adrenaline junkie." Rouge delivered her snarky commented, to which Sonic just laughed and shrugged his shoulders.

As everyone kept talking, Tails and Amy momentarily flashed looks of discomfort and confusion when they laid their eyes upon Shadow. The dark hedgehog saw it took considerable effort for them to pry their perplexed stares away, both of them lightly shaking their heads before returning to their conversation. Surprisingly, trying to ignore them was a lot easier. For all he cared now, he was here for Silver and Silver only. Sure, it always hurts how even his closest allies he has still show fear and caution even when he was just minding his own business and keeping the white hedgehog close to him. _Because it was cold._ Even when showing ... love, people still saw him as something to be scared of. 

But at least he had Silver. Sonic was right. Rouge was right. All the stares and glares hurt a little less because of him. Everyone else's opinions didn't matter now Shadow had someone to lean on. He let his neck fall, looking down to see Silver underneath him. Never in his endless life did he think he would fall so hard for someone. His idle face transformed into that of a small yet pleasant smile. 

Which soon faltered as he continued to sense this aura of uneasiness surrounding the young hedgehog. Even all the way back in Sunset City, he still had the feeling that Silver was afraid of him. That he didn't want Shadow's shoulder to lean on in return. It was chipping away at Shadow's empty soul, every bit of terror he sensed in Silver broke him bit by bit. Any true genuine feelings of joy were stripped from him every passing second Silver continued to grow apart from him. The young hedgehog didn't seem relaxed at all, he was half folded in on himself with his hands holding each other nervously.

Shadow wanted to do everything in his power to show him there was no reason to be scared.

"Alright, let's get going you guys! Don't want to waste anymore sunlight." Amy rounded everyone up, guiding them all out the door of the small wooden station and into the snow filled streets of White Park.

Shadow, still lost in his thoughts, didn't realise that Silver had forcibly wriggled his way out of his arms to join the others walking. From behind, Shadow could tell the young hedgehog's arms were still crossed. He could also see him wiping his hand across his face, all as the door shut behind Silver.

Shadow looked around the now empty station, gobsmacked and baffled with what just happened. He was the only one there now. Acres of space in front of him and he was the only one there. Why wasn't Silver by him anymore? What just happened? The only accompaniment he had was this old fashioned chandelier hanging above him, casting a warm glow on the station.

He couldn't believe it. After how much and how willing he was to try and get closer, he just runs away from him. He **actually** ran away from him! His stomach began to twist and turn, churning as he felt his legs turn into the most flimsy and unstable jelly ever made. He felt this large ball of emotions coil tightly around his chest. He just discarded him, as if a caring arm put around him meant nothing! As if he was worthless, like he meant nothing. He didn't even feel his legs give in; all he knew was he was suddenly on the ground, the flood gates on his eyes were fully open. The abhorrent sensation of tears running down his face was something he was forced to endure again. He covered his eyes, on his knees pathetically on the ground.

Chaos, Shadow hated this so much. So **fucking much** he hated this. He didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to believe that a year's worth of friendship and companionship could disintegrate into the most stale dust in the matter of weeks. It should be impossible! Where did he go wrong? What did he do wrong? Why can't life just be kind to him? What was the point in continuing a life that did nothing but make him suffer? Why did Silver hate him so much now? Why does he have to brainlessly hold on to things he knows he can't get?

He stared out the transparent door seeing Silver getting further and further away from him. The growing distance set in a realisation in him. This wasn't fate's fault or life's fault. He struggled to believe in things like that anyways. The separation right now between them was caused by one thing and one thing only. Himself. He made himself suffer. Him being this loathsome thing caused his pain. And, Chaos, he hated himself so much. 

With hast and without hesitation or any mistakes, he unsheathed his gun and clicked safety off, giving off a satisfying click and it was set in place. Drops of tears landed across the metal of the gun, giving off mesmerising reflections of light all across the gun. He held the pistol in his hand tightly, knowing what it meant to him. 

His face turned into that of a furious rage, burning brightly as he aggressively pressed the muzzle right on his forehead once again. He couldn't fucking stand this crap anymore. He's had enough of feeling anything anymore. He was tired of feeling sad, miserable and just empty all the time. He was tired of feeling happy and was sick of love. He pressed the pistol harder to his head, trying hard to inflict as much pain on himself as much as he could before he pulled the trigger.

Because he was going do die **.** He was certain. He's had **enough** of living. If someone like Silver, after all they'd been through, after all their promises, can't at least be happy around him, then there was no reason for him to live. He couldn't even call it living anymore. It was just a laborious existence at this point. It was exhausting to just wake up everyday, knowing he'd have to feel some sort of emotion that would screw him over.

He breathed in and out, still generating more tears and pumping air away as he felt his finger on the trigger relent and relax, slowly coming off it. No! There was no questioning it this time. He wrapped his hand around the handle tighter again, reaffirming his intentions. 

He wasn't overreacting, right?

There was no hope left to cling on to and no Sonic or Rouge to stop him this time. All he had to do was pull the trigger and he will finally have peace of mind. Just pull the trigger. Pull. The. Damn. Trigger. Pull it! Pull the fucking trigger! What was he waiting for? Doesn't the barren reality and nothingness of death not appeal to him? A strong and low ringing soon began to raise in pitch as he squeezed his eyes tighter, bearing through the pain with gritted teeth. Just do it! **PULL IT! FUCKING DO IT NOW!**

**PULL THE TRIGGER!**

The ringing ceased to exist as he let his arm flop, letting out a huge breath before desperately gasping for air and coughing it all out in staggered sobs. The gun to slip from his hand and slammed onto the ground, miraculously not firing as it clanked on the wood floor. "Ugh, Chaos..." He rubbed his face with his forearm, pulling on the sacks under his eyes before just letting his arms rest lazily and staring out the door again. He saw the ivory hedgehog once again.

He just couldn't do it.

No matter how much Silver could push him away, no matter how many wounds he could inflict on Shadow, there was still this undying loyalty he had to him. 

No matter the circumstances, he was going to 'live' for Silver. If he wanted to or not bore little influence on his discussion now. He would be obligated to become a martyr to his entire hollow existence just be with Silver. What more could he really do? There was no feasible way he could see to, at least, improve himself for the ivory hedgehog. If he'd really lost Silver's closeness somehow, then that would become his final meaning in life. Just stay by him. Regardless of the pain.

Shadow took in air into his chest again, holding it in there for a good while before he let it stream out, getting back onto his feet and swiping the gun up from the floor. But Chaos, it really would just be easier to give up.

He looked around once more, hoping he was alone. The only pair of eyes on him were his own. He gently uncocked the hammer, letting it slowly fall back into it's default position before clicking the safety back on. Sheathing his pistol, he began moving forward and past through the doors, adopting his nonchalant expression, acting as if nothing happened at all. 

_ ************************ _

"I'm starting to think you got us on that late train on purpose. Why do the slopes close at four?! Why is everything fun closed at four???" Sonic came darting back from his little detour from the group to check out his most anticipated attraction, ranting as he stopped in front of Amy but still walking backwards. His arms were outstreched in confusion, awaiting the pink hedgehog's answer.

She laughed at first, admiring his passion, "Because it's winter, Sonic. The sun sets earlier so they close earlier."

He scoffed, rolling his eyes, "I know that! But why are they still closed? Isn't there such thing as night-skiing or something?"

"Dangerous. Not unless you want to accidentally hit someone and get concussed." She gave him a smug and knowing look, bantering him.

"Oh, pfft. You know I'm me right? And besides, if it's closed, Tails and I'll be the only one there. Who am I gonna bump into?" He swivelled around jutting himself in next to Amy as he walked facing forward this time.

She gave him disagreeing eyes, clearly unimpressed with his reasoning, "Mhmm, sure, go ahead. Wouldn't it be a shocker to see Mobius' great hero arrested for trespassing after hours. Embarrassing."

Sonic leaned down in front of her face, smirking as he did, albeit with some genuine friendliness "Cute, you think they'd catch me."

"Well if it makes you all feel better, I know this really nice Spa place not too far from here. Why don't we take the night to relax and take two again tomorrow morning." Rouge suggested as everyone listened and nodded their heads in agreement, "Alright, fine. Maybe it'll do me some good. Right, Tails?"

"Mhmm, you betcha!" Tails excitedly agreed, enthralled by the idea of doing anything on his first ever vacation, "As long as Rouge doesn't steal anything." The sarcastic jab at the bat's reputation was a slap to the face as she stopped in her tracks to stare wide-eyed at the fox, surprised and very impressed at his wit, "Ooh, cheeky aren't ya? You teach him that, Sonic?"

"Ha, I might've." He gave Tails a pat on the back.

"Just means I'm good at what I do." Rouge clapped her hands together, pleased with the unanimous concurrence for their plans tonight, "Okay! It's settled!" The bat sleuthed her way into the front of the group, taking the position of leader and relieving Amy of her duties. 

As Sonic continued pacing along the snowed in streets of White Park, the dynamic the group set made him comfortable with just walking and staying silent, preferring the opportunity to just listen and absorb the cold weather around him. It was a really charming town. Besides all the obvious tourist traps and other superficial places (that all tourist dominated locations had), the town itself was alluring. The strung up lights between lamp posts and the plethora of colourful decorations dotted from house to house made it seem way more hospitable than any City he'd been to. And he was sure there were heartfelt and honest places to visit that wouldn't rip him off.

He slowly found himself drifting further and further away from the group. Something was becoming more distinct, and he grew ever more sensitive to it. He was about to pick up the pace to catch up, but his ears began twitching. He heard footsteps not in time with his own or the others. They sounded isolated and of their own accord; these footsteps had a different weight to them. They were heavy, but not in the sense that boots were being slammed in the snow. 

The blue blur swung his head back, checking on the source of the hefty crunches in the snow, instantly realising who's presence flew over his head when they got here, "Silver, why're you so far away?"

The young hedgehog did not respond; it didn't even look like he heard him. He just kept walking, arms crossed meekly and shyly. His red shaded bloodshot eyes looked drained from sorrow as they remained fixated on the immediate proximity to where he was stepping. "Silver?" Once again, nothing, "Silver? Hey! Silver?" Sonic stopped in his tracks, intercepting the white hedgehog and holding him by the arms, lightly shaking him out of his seeming trance.

"Huh? Wha? What is it? What happened?" He started blinking rapidly, Sonic presumed it was because he was so rudely yanked back into reality, to which he found humorous but now wasn't the time for jokes, "You okay? You seem a bit down and out." He let go of Silver's arms, allowing the ivory hedgehog to reel them back into his closed off crossed arms.

Silver blinked again, slightly taken aback at the heartfelt question, "Oh, sorry. I was just, uuh ... imagining some stuff." He sniffled his nose and brought the palm of his gloves to dry the tiny drops of tears that managed to escape, "Woah. Hey, it's okay, it's okay. You don't have to apologise, Silver."

Silver tried to breath through his stuffy nose again, but to no avail, "I know. I'm sorry." He looked down at his feet, completely avoiding eye contact with Sonic.

The blue blur sighed, "Silver ..." He began tapping his foot on the ground, thinking hard on what he was gonna do, "Can you at least tell me what's wrong?" Sonic already knew the answer but he just wanted to hear it from Silver himself.

Silver gently shook his head from side to side, "I dunno."

Sonic looked back at the others getting further and further away. He got his hand behind Silver's back, leading him forward as they began walking again, "Hmm. Well, how about what you were imagining? Could you tell me that?"

Silver let out his held in breath in a visible mist from his mouth, "... I was thinking about talking to someone."

The blue hedgehog raised an eyebrow, "Talking to someone?"

Again Silver sniffled, "Yeah, like what I'd say. What he'd say or how he'd react."

"So, like creating a fake scenario in your head?"

Silver scoffed at how correct that assessment was, almost laughing at how pathetic it seemed, "I guess."

Sonic nodded his head, as if the conversation had ended. He looked at Rouge and then back to Silver and nodded his head once more. He opened his mouth to talk but quickly snapped it shut, taking a moment to think first, "You sure you don't wanna talk about it? I hate seeing ya this bummed out."

Silver closed his eyes in annoyance, lacking the assertion to tell Sonic to leave him alone, "Yeah, no. I don't wanna talk about it."

"Welp, that's the wrong answer buddy! Just stay here I'll be back." Just like that he could feel the muscles in his legs work their magic and he sped of just a few dozen meters ahead to their group, zipping by the streets so quickly he'd powder the air with the snow he kicked up as the lovely town turned into this melted blur. He managed to stop perfectly in front of the bat who yelped all undignified as she jump on the spot, "Ah! Sonic!"

Sonic was straight to the point, barging past the group the other way and managing to grab Rouge on his way, "I'll apologise later." He whispered into her ear, "Sorry guys! Just need to borrow my friend here!" Sonic, never usually one for inconspicuousness or subtlety, tried to play down the oddness of his actions, smiling innocently as he did. After dragging Rouge out a good distance away, he began speaking what was actually on his mind but still ensuring whatever was said remained in the tiny bubble they formed, "I'm really concerned for Silver."

"Silver? Oh, shit! Silver." She facepalmed at her ignorance, "Chaos, I'd been so focussed on the trip I'd ..." How'd she forget about him? She sighed, moving on quickly; couldn't go back in time and fix it, unlike a certain hedgehog she knew. She recomposed herself, "What's wrong?"

Sonic bit his lip cautiously, "I mean, you tell me. Do you even see Shadow anywhere?" Rouge looked around as she twisted on the spot, scanning everywhere before she gritted her teeth in worry, "I really don't think I've ever seen Silver so done with life before." Sonic threw his hands up in frustration, "How- How did we let this happen? Shadow seemed fine when I left him!"

Rouge fixed her beret, making it sit on her head nicely, "And here I am thinking I'd left Silver on a good note too."

"Hey you two!" Amy's voice boomed throughout the emptying street, "We're kinda freezing our butts off here! Can we get going? Please?" Sonic smirked. Ah that good ol' classic Amy passive aggressiveness, "Okay Rouge, you go back. I'll handle this."

"Alright, blue boy." They both peeled away from each other: Rouge flying back to the other and Sonic zooming off back to Silver.

Despite only having mere milliseconds to react and time everything, Sonic swooped the young hedgehog up in his arms causing him to squeal as he scrambled in the blue blur's arms, completely unprepared and caught unaware in the moment, "Sonic! Put me down!"

Still at full pace, Sonic ran up a steep hill off the side of the town itself before targeting a luscious and inviting-looking tree overlooking White Park. Surprisingly, this tree still had all it's leaves on it. Strangely they were all white as well, like the snow.

Instead of just digging his heels into the ground to stop himself, he took the effort to gradually decelerate as he approached the tree, setting a distressed Silver on the ground who looked at him with a flash of anger, "Yeah, yeah, I know." Sonic dismissed it, already used to the reaction.

The young hedgehog had his fists clenched by his side, "What the hell was that for?"

Sonic shrugged his shoulder's before scratching his nose, "I told you I was coming back."

Silver rolled his eyes, pulling on his jacket and wrapped it around himself tighter. He slowly walked backwards into the tree, resting against it and hiding himself away. He knew why Sonic was here. He knew what he was gonna say. If it would change anything, he didn't know. He was so tired of this. He was bored of talking about this to Rouge or Sonic. It wasn't getting anywhere. Why couldn't they just let it go?

Sonic let out a large sigh as it turned into a tiny vapour cloud in the icy air, "Listen Silver. On the train, Rouge told me everything; between you and Shadow. I know it's gotta be tough on you, but please, surely you realise how much you mean to him. You're the closest thing he has to getting back what he lost on the ARK. He would go through hell and high water for you. You just gotta let him. Find him and have some fun!"

The young hedgehog already felt thrown straight into the deep end. His tears never stopped, but he could feel them intensifying again. He found it funny how assured Sonic sounded that whatever he said was gonna work, "You say it's tough for me ... But then you tell me to go and 'have some fun?' " Silver inhaled staggered, his breath trembling as he struggled to get the air in, "Do you have idea of what I had to go through? Any kind of comprehension?"

"..." Sonic didn't want to say 'no' but there was no other right answer he could give. And he wasn't going to lie to Silver, "It all turned out okay, didn't it?" Sonic tried to assure him, "You deserve him. What's the point in worrying? You fix-

" **Don't** tell me I'm not allowed to be _sad_ because I fixed it with time travel!" He tried to lean back into the bark of the tree even more after his outburst, but alas, of course he was not able to, "Somewhere out there amongst the realities is a version of me who didn't do anything to fix it. Somewhere out there, I lost Shadow. Or somewhere is a better version of me who sacrificed himself to save him. And I cheated that. You're telling me I can cheat death so that Shadow couldn't. How can I live with myself knowing there were ways I could've done better?"

Sonic reeled back in confusion, perplexed by his reasoning, " 'Done better?' By what? Getting yourself killed? Silver, you've fought so hard for everything you care for. You **deserve** a life with Shadow."

The ivory hedgehog sniffed his blocked nose again, shaking his head as he felt a wave of tears crushing his eyes, "I got him killed. All those times, I killed him. How do I deserve him?" Sonic could see his bottom lip start quivering as his face scrunched up, ready to finally let his eyes flow with drops of misery. The blue blur walked up to Silver, pausing for a bit before pulling him into a friendly hug. Not a moment into the hug, Sonic could already feel something running down the quills on his back. Sobs and coughs were the only noises the young hedgehog seemed to want to make.

"You can't think like that anymore." Sonic began patting his back, thinking what other calibre ammo he could use in this argument. And he guessed it was time to pull out the big guns, "I've been speaking to Shadow as well. You know how he is." He released Silver, letting him rub his eyes as Sonic leaned against the tree next to him, "I've known him a really long time and I've always had my suspicions..." Sonic scratched the back of his head awkwardly as Silver gave him a look of uncertainty, "Back in Sunset City, he told me whenever he grew tired of living, he would ... end it."

Thankfully, the shocked expression on Silver's face was enough to tell Sonic he didn't have to say more, "Silver, what you're doing to him is hurting him worse than anything he's ever had to go through before. For him it's just like or even worse than the ARK. You can't make him go through the ARK _twice_."

Silver looked up and held his breath desperately, hoping that it would help him recover, "I know."

Sonic squinted his eyes, again puzzled by how this hedgehog's mind works, "Then why all this then? 

Silver pushed himself off the tree and began walking away, stopping for a moment to signal to Sonic that he didn't mind if he came along. The blue blur heaved himself off as well, jogging up beside Silver, "I don't know what I want anymore, Sonic." A small sob escaped from being wedged in his throat, "A part of me knows I can make Shadow happy, but another part of me is scared. Scared of losing him, scared of making him unhappy with how useless I am. If I couldn't be there to stop him from dying, how could I make his life any better?"

He scoffed and scorned himself, "I think I had a dream about this..."

As Sonic was listening, out of the corner of his eye he saw a dark figure contrasting in the snow. It was Shadow! All by himself, moving towards the Grand Hotel. Sonic shook his head, it wasn't right for him to be alone all the way out here. He switched his attention back to the young hedgehog, "You can't worry about that. I know both of you want to be happy and I **know,** for certain, you two would do that for each other. So please, just take the chance. I promise to you, it won't go wrong."

Sonic stopped midway on a path down towards the street, from the hill. He faced Silver, eye to eye, "Silver, look at me." Although reluctant, the young hedgehog shook his head disappointed and did what Sonic asked, "Trust me, absolutely nothing bad will happen. If you're worried you're gonna do something detrimental, please don't. You are one of the bravest hedgehogs I have had the honour of meeting. If there was anyone I could put my trust in to keep my friends safe if we had our backs to the wall, it's you. And it's not because you can _time travel_ and whatnot. It's because I'm sure you're able to handle yourself and protect who you need to protect." Silver gazed at the blue blur, seeing the heartfelt shimmer in his eyes, "So do yourself a favour and find Shadow, hm?" He patted the ivory hedgehog's arm.

"..." Silver remained quiet, mulling over what the blue blur had said. Sonic wasn't wrong. That was something he could admit. But it didn't do much to stop him from feeling like the weight of the world was going to crash down on him. Yes, he wanted to be happy, but at what cost? He didn't want to risk that for Shadow. It would be so selfish of him to gain some moments together in exchange for a screwup on his part that will get him killed. He couldn't trust himself to be with Shadow.

Sonic was right to fear he wasn't getting through to him, "Okay, um. Tell me something he does that makes you happy? Just talk to me about him." He held his hands in front of him, pulling them in as if to say 'give it to me'.

"..." Again, he remained silent as he just wrapped his arms around his cold body. But Sonic was eager, "Go on, Silver. Just one thing you like about him." 

"... Okay, um." Silver tapped his foot, thinking of what to say. It didn't take him long to find what he loved most about him, what did take long was actually communicating that to Sonic as he stood there awkwardly not talking. "Um ... I really like it when he shows me the world. Showing me these really nice places around Mobius. Even though he hasn't fully been living in this time as long as you guys, the knowledge he has of everything; it's so interesting to see him talk about this time. He's got a really unique way of seeing things; ways I don't ever imagine." Sonic smirked as he saw a timid smile grow on Silver's face. The young hedgehog didn't even realise how fluffy he felt inside, loosing himself in his thoughts, "I can't think of anyone who could show me the past the way he does."

Sonic gave a light-hearted scoff which pulled Silver out of his tiny daze, "See, Silver? C'mon, show me that optimism of yours!" 

The ivory hedgehog exhaled his breath into the crisp air. He was really going to do this, huh? "What do you think I should do?"

Sonic jumped into the air, throwing a celebratory fist into the air, "Yes!" As he landed onto the floor he was straight back into giving the young hedgehog advice, "I say: You find Shadow, you talk with him, tell him how you feel and just get through whatever you need to **together**. And if things still don't feel right ... then you'll know it's not meant to be."

Despite Silver's confused and jumbled mind, one thing was clear to him: He did **not** enjoy the idea of him and Shadow not being 'meant to be'. Maybe he had fought too hard to simply let this go, "Well, I guess I gotta find him ... Uh, any ideas where he is?"

Sonic grinned knowingly as he turned his vision towards the hotel, standing tall and proud in the middle of White Park, with how it's wooden facade fit in perfectly with it's surrounding's, "Well, knowing Shadow."

_ ************************ _

Well this was perfect. Shadow hadn't envisioned this as something that would happen in his immediate future. Stuck in a cafe in the Grand Hotel of White Park, sitting all alone as he embarrassed himself by taking up unnecessary space when other Mobians clearly just wanted his seat to sit down and enjoy a coffee or something. He supposed at least the view was somewhat nice and distracting from what kind of life he'd sentenced himself to.

What was he meant to do with himself now? Hide in the corner stall of this little cafe and stare out the window into the mountains for the rest of eternity? Feel every last bit of his soul waste away into a sizzling sea of ripped pieces for the rest of his days?

Hmph, Shadow would have to add this spot to one of his more peculiar brooding spots.

He still couldn't fathom why Silver just ran away from him. The scars left in his mind were still raw, shuddering at the kinds of crushing emotions that flowed through him as he held his own gun against his head. He’d never thought in a million years he would ever be driven to such a state with the white hedgehog by his side. Silver helped him give himself that sense that he had control over his own life. Made him feel significant in a world that didn’t care if he existed or not; a feeling that would reflect off himself.

The red and black hedgehog pinched the bridge of his nose. There was no feasible way the storm crashing between the faded walls of his head could feel any worse in his life than that moment. The betrayal ... It was the closest he'd ever gotten to finally following through with one of his longest desires. So close to falling into that eternal darkness. To the end.

He guessed a new desire overpowered it though. He wish it weren't so strong. It would've been easier that way. But it never was going to be easy. Regardless of what Silver did to him, he would overlook and forgive. He wouldn’t rather do anything else.

His ears twitched at the sound of a tiny commotion coming from the entrance of the cafe.

He could recognise that kind of sound anywhere.

Just hearing the mumble of his infuriating chatter sent his temper over the edge as he discreetly lifted his head up to see, eyebrows flared. Amongst the small gatherings of Mobians waiting in line or sat down contributing to the talkative ambience, he saw that blue idiot with ... Silver?

What was he doing here?

Sonic was pushing the hesitant young hedgehog into the cafe as he tried to push back against Sonic before he zipped away in that typical fast fashion he always did, leaving a misty cloud of snow in his trail.

With his eyes panicking and darting around all over the place, Shadow cut the fear clinching on his mind and immediately went back to burying his head behind the cover of the stall walls as soon as Silver turned his way. He could sense the white hedgehog getting closer with every thud of his boot getting increasingly louder. Shadow's could feel his heart pumping with a ferocity he'd didn't think was possible. He was sure it was beating so fast, it was going to burn.

Why was he here? This was all too quick! He wasn't ready for this!

It was as if his chest was going to burst and shatter into a million pieces. Every step rung louder. That little red beating thing in Shadows chest, which at times he forgot he even had, pumped harder. Chaos, please stop getting closer!

All of a sudden, the thuds stopped. And apparently so did his heart.

"Hi." Silver waved a shy hand just above his waist. He was anxious too ... He really missed that raspy, lovable voice of his.

Shadow tried to grip at nothing but air as nerve-wrecked-fists formed on the table. His face naturally assumed it's favourite aloof look, knowing he could crack if he met those shining golden eyes the dark hedgehog knew he had.

So he didn't, "Hello." He closed his face off, covering it with a hand resting on his chin.

The ivory hedgehog stood there self-conscious of the way there was nothing for him to really go off of. He didn't want to try and reconcile with Shadow through small talk; he didn't even know how to small talk. He wanted those deep conversations they always had, like back in the dandelion field.

Chaos, they were in that field for hours, just enjoying each other's company. Flowers rolling in the wind and the gentle glow of the sun. It was beautiful.

Huh, there was an idea. Maybe he could lead in with that? "Can I sit there with you?" He pointed to the bench directly opposite the red streaked hedgehog, who simply nodded.

Silver sleuthed his way into the bench, pulling his jacket inwards so that it didn't clog him up in the tight space. Shuffling on the spot and getting comfy, he looked towards Shadow again, who still wouldn't meet his gaze as he continued either looking down or out the window.

Silver inspected him further. His quills were messy and wet from the snow, there were massive dark spots underneath his eyes as well as having a slight red tinge surrounding his pupils ... He'd been crying.

The white hedgehog’s pity painfully drilled right between his eyes as he felt the same pulverizing remorse in the hedgehog he cared for most. With a saddening stare at him; it only made Silver become aware of how hot his own eyes still felt from his earlier outburst as well. Shadow could probably tell he'd also been crying.

Geez, what a mess they were. 

The white hedgehog cleared his throat, "So ... I, um. I guess I never thanked you for letting me sleep on you." He chuckled nervously, "It felt really forward and I know how you are with your space, so I hope you didn't mind too much." 

The dark hedgehog closed his eyes for a moment, "Yeah. No problem."

Silver scratched the back of his head, moving his quills so that they fell behind his ear, "I'm ... I'm also sorry for leaving you at the station. I had to clear my head and cool down for a bit."

Shadow inhaled a staggered breath, turbulent as it rumbled his chest, "It's okay..."

The young hedgehog observed the way Shadow was closing himself off. A true contrast to the last real happy memory he had with him. Every molecule of Silver's being was wailing in pain at how much grief he'd caused Shadow. Sonic really was telling the truth. Gah, he felt so stupid! Of course he was! Silver supposed it was up to him to show it was never his intention to hurt him. That was the last thing he would ever want to do.

He pulled on his jacked again, still not used to how the piece of fabric hanged off his body, "Hey, you remember that dandelion field you showed me? We laid in the flowers and talked the whole night?." He eagerly placed his hand across the small table, reminiscing on how serene it was to feel the petals and fluff of the dandelion encase them softly. He could vividly remember wanting to hold his hand, imaging how soft they would be, despite his rough appearance. Something in that contrast caused his snowball of curiosity to enlarge, pulling in his intrigue. He could feel it’s gravitating force now more than ever.

... He had to fix this.

"You think there's anything like that out here?" Again, the red streaked hedgehog was downright ignoring him now. He just wasn’t getting through. Chaos, what has he done to him? He tried forcing eye connection this time, moving his head round to establish it, "Y'know, for us to visit?"

No answer. Just the visible storm brewing in those ruby pupils of his, swirling around and drowning him. 

Silver couldn't keep up with all the joyous pretence anymore. His tiny smile faded away to be replaced by that of regret and pity, he leaned in closer to the dark hedgehog, searching and reaching for his hand as he grabbed onto it and placed it under his on the round table, "Shadow ... please look at me."

Regardless of the dark hedgehog's best efforts, he just could not deny that pleading voice. Only Silver could have that kind of effect on him. Shadow turned the young hedgehog's hand over by twisting his own, gently caressing his fingers with his thumb before gathering up enough courage to lift his head up and finally looking into those mesmerising pupils, " ... I might know one place." A wry and minuscule smile appeared across Shadow's face.

Silver's grin contorted into one that was mixed with a melancholic joy. A simple smile on the Mobian he cared most for was enough to almost send him to the brink of tears. He was just glad that it hurt a little less.

Although there were seconds where Shadow's thoughts caused him to scowl in frustration, causing Silver to jitter slightly in fear. Something didn't sit right in him. The smile was not long lived, being replaced by this strange concoction of visceral pain and anguish that mixed violently in the dark hedgehog's mind. It was giving him such a headache. "Why did you leave me?" Those blood-red eyes of his gave a piercing stare straight into Silver, "You don't just get to avoid me, not talk to me and act like you hate me for weeks, only for you to just walk up now and ask me to take you somewhere." Shadow accusing glare and voice cut right into the young hedgehog.

Silver raised an eyebrow, baffled by what he’d just heard but was denied the chance to explain himself, "If you're scared of me or I'm not your friend anymore, you don't have to sugarcoat it. Just tell me you hate me already." Shadow was pushing through his incoming sobs, trying hard to stop himself from break. So. Fucking. Hard.

The dark hedgehog could feel his hand being gripped tighter as Silver's other hand came on top to sandwich it, "What? I don't hate you, I could never." Silver was mentally whacking himself so damn much. Chaos, seeing what he's done to Shadow first hand; he was utterly appalled with himself. He really thought he was doing the right thing. It made so much sense at the time. He had to make this better. He just had to. Otherwise he truly was unworthy for him. 

Shadow yanked his hand back to his body, "You're lying. You said that I was going to be worth it. That what ever you did was for _something_." Shadow felt the straw that broke the camels back land on top of his back, feeling that sob stuck in his lungs finally burst. He instantly covered his face with his hands, quavering heavily as he tried to stabilise himself by resting his elbows on the table, "Ugh, I hate this..." He mumbled to himself, his throat cramping up as his voice cracked.

The white hedgehog could only look on in horror.

He did this to him.

It broke his heart to see him like this. And to make things even worse, his mind decided now was a great time to remind him how similar this was to back at the base. The times Shadow would die in his arms; the way he cried was exactly the same. Silver could feel his eyes leak their own drops of anguish. It was pure heartbreak to constantly be reminded of the torture he's indirectly cause the red streaked hedgehog. But he was determined.

Still though, how could Shadow ever forgive him for this? Surely he must think he's no good for him.

Shadow leaned back into the bench, looking up and continuously wiping his tear-bleeding eyes, "I don't mean something to you anymore, don't I? Why else would you just toss me aside like I'm nothing." He groaned as he tried to force himself to just stop. But he had no control over it, and he fucking hated it, "I don't understand Silver, I don't." Another pathetic sob coughed out from him, "Why...?"

Silver got up from his seat, quickly shimmying his way from his side of the table around to his bench. He sat next to Shadow and did not wait to bring him into a affectionate embrace, wrapping his arms around him and stroking his quills. Every ounce of warmth Silver had, he tried to give it all to him.

Although his actions were without conviction, Shadow accepted his gentle hug, letting his head fall into his chest as he let himself pour out, becoming cradled in Silver's body. It just made Silver think: Why all that torment had to happen to him at Eggman's base. They could've been so happy.

Shadow clenched his fists; he could feel his skin about to rip, "Crying feels so disgusting." He mumbled infuriated into Silver's fur, "It's such a useless thing."

Chaos, he didn't want to see Shadow crying anymore. He's suffered enough. He just wanted to tell Shadow what happened. Clear everything up. But was it really that simple? How would he react to hearing: 'Oh I got you killed hundreds of times because I couldn't protect you'. How could he ever bring himself to do that? It hurt him in so many ways to think about it. Ugh, was he being selfish? What was the right thing to do anymore? Why couldn't this just be easy, "Shadow, I don't hate you. Everything I do has been for you."

Shadow scoffed and shook his head as he reeled away from Silver, still streaming with tears, "How? At times you couldn't give less of a shit about me. Like you wouldn't care if I even **died**." He spat out his all his bottled up vexation, launching it straight at Silver.

But out of all the hits Shadow was throwing at him, nothing made his stomach drop harder and more ferociously than right now. His whole body flared up in a passionate anger, rumbling inside him. It awoken something within him he never thought resided in him. He immediately latched onto him with as much love and care he could possibly show, caressing the side of his arms as he rested his head next to Shadow's, "Don't you dare think, please, don't ever think that if you ... died, I would just move on with my life." Silver breathed in some air, wavering as he did, "You mean more to me than I could ever express with words." He groaned out a wail of pain as he grabbed onto his shoulders in his devoted grasp, "Nothing on Chaos' world will stop me from being with you."

The ivory hedgehog leaned away from Shadow for a bit before coming closer face to face, he was inches away from his face when he decided to relent and not act on his impulses.

Oh, but he wanted to.

Instead he rested his forehead on his, "I know what I did to you. I don't know if I can tell you why I did that now; just know it has nothing to do with me hating you or anything like that." Silver felt his eyes slowly fall shut as he felt the back of Shadow's glove affectionately glide across his cheek; heat flushing from his face.

Shadow wanted to believe him. Believe that whatever caused this distance between them was nothing to worry about. Every word Silver spewed out connected with him and made him feel wanted and cared for. Everything that made him fall for him, even when love was the last thing he had on his mind, was showcased in that moment. He just wanted some assurance he would never consider leaving. That he would never see him as the monster. That he would never have to go through loosing another Mobian he cared for the most. That he would never experience what he did at the train station. He never wanted to feel the incessant need to pull the trigger ever again.

"How can I trust you? How do I know you're not just telling me empty words?" Shadow kept them in their own little bubble, still having his hand stroke along his cheek.

The white hedgehog opened his eyes, looking at and admiring the ruined features of his stunning face. He'd been silently toying around with the idea for so long but never properly formulated the words inside his head. Until now, it was always the case of uncertainty and always making the decision when they were together or if he was thinking about him. But just seeing how much he needed him and how much Shadow needed him, there was no other answer in his mind to Shadow's question, "Because ..." He bit his lip inelegantly, "Because I love you."

Yet another sob coughed out of the dark hedgehog and yet another wave of tears cascaded over him. He crumpled in on himself, only being held up by the equally sorrowful hedgehog beside him. This was not how he envisioned this moment going. For months it felt as if they were building up to this kind of moment. Only for all this crap to happen.

...

But Shadow guessed there was still a chance he could get the moment he wished for, "That promise I gave to you." A moment where Shadow would not have any doubt that Silver wasn't telling the truth. Where he would know for certain Silver wasn't afraid of him.

Silver let go of him as both of them just sat beside each other, starring deeply into each other's eyes, "Yeah?"

Shadow's mind was throbbing with what the hell just happened to him. Overloaded with emotion and feeling bloated at the limited amount of expression he was capable of giving, he no longer had the capacity to deal with what was going through his head anymore, "I need some time alone."

He lazily crossed his arms, still looking at that adorable face Silver had, "You're welcome to stay in my room," Shadow wasn't sure this was the most delicate way of telling Silver this but he blurted it out, regardless of how blunt it sounded, "I just need you to leave me alone."

Silver's eyes lost a bit of it's shimmer, "Oh. Okay. I'm sorry."

Shadow knew he was going to sound cold. He slid his hand through the white hedgehog's quills to make sure he knew he was just being his old grumpy self, "Don't apologise, Silver. If anyone should be sorry it's me. I'm sorry for whatever reason you stayed away from me." He was certain it was his fault somehow; it always was.

Shadow began glowing green, preparing himself to teleport, "I'm going to take you somewhere tomorrow, Silvy." Shadow couldn't resist using his favourite pet name which was approved by Silver's little smile. 

As he disappeared into thin air, Silver was left sitting there on the stone cold wooden bench with his heart still aching for that all famous response to his confession. Yet he understood Shadow's reluctance to reciprocate his feelings. He could understand how confused and shocked Shadow was at how fast Silver moved things along considering he did his best to avoid him for weeks. Chaos, what a fucking mistake. He still had flashbacks and nightmares of that day and nothing made him more guilty and regretful than just having these images attack him every night, holding him back from him.

But he guessed what was important was that he still felt fully committed to Shadow and just try to ignore them. For Shadow. Because that way, Sonic's ultimatum meant nothing now, because he knew he was going to do everything to fix this. Because he knew this was meant to be. It had to be.


End file.
